What are the secrets to a long marriage?

1. Always put the toilet seat down.
2. Maintain ignorance of how the dishwasher works.
3. Mix up coloureds and whites early on the relationship then the washing machine will never become an issue.
4. If cornered on a particular issue develop an expression of intense concentration and concern.
5. If there is a forgotten birthday, anniversary or Valentine’s Day remember that there’s usually a garage open. Windscreen washing fluid makes a very special present.
6. The answer to “Does my bum look big in this?” is an immediate “No” unless your goddess is demonstrating a bustle.
7. Meals are always delicious. A ‘weak bladder’ is a very useful excuse to visit the bathroom for surreptitious disposal – develop the ‘weak bladder’ as soon as possible.
8. A visit to your local hypnotist will eradicate the concept of wrinkles and cellulite if these dangerous subjects are ever brought up in conversation.
9. Install a powerful vacuuming system under the bed so that if you inadvertently drop your socks or undercrackers on the floor they get whisked out of sight.
10. Just once, stop the car and ask for directions. The Brownie points earned last a long time and the usual critical anecdotes that are recounted when friends pop round for coffee are superseded by this small miracle.

Please let me know if you have any questions. I am listening … honestly.

[This post brought to you by the DP Relationship Advice Centre – sponsored by Tena Products]