I’m beginning to make plans for when society collapses completely, due to the credit crunch and the state of Parliament, and made the mistake of asking Lo, she is a terrible Goddess whether it’s possible to survive just eating grass.

There followed a very long lecture about cows having four stomachs and the difficulty of breaking grass down to extract the nutrients and the vaaast quantity that would be needed to keep me going …… I actually dozed off in the middle of what must surely be the definitive explanation of the difference between a human and a cow. (Of course when it comes to methane production, DP and a cow aren’t that far apart. Lo,TG Ed) When I came to, the explanation was drawing to a conclusion – something about enzymes – and then the TG returned to admiring her amulet collection.

OK, I think I got the gist; so now my plan is to rip up the lawn and plant a mini-field of wheat, build a small mill and a wood fired oven and start producing home-made bread.

I hope the collapse doesn’t happen too soon as there’s lots to do ……. if only I could get up off this sofa ………. time for a ginger nut I reckon.

(That cow is on borrowed time………  (looks up Ronald McDonald’s number)  Lo,TG Ed)