Dear Your Majesty

A certain Mr David Wellman, a vague acquaintance and certainly not a friend, has created this travesty to celebrate your shiny diamondness Ma’am.


I would humbly ask your royal personage to take careful note of his bunting [excuse my French] which includes long johns and kernickers.
To make matters worserer his house is on a very busy road that is frequently used by foreigners including visitors from north of Tunbridge Wells.
I shall be emailing Your Crowniness forthwith with details of his collar size to aid your executioner in selecting the correct axe to use at the Tower.

Your Humble Idiot Savant

Daddy Papersurfer

PS If you need to contact me about anything … oh I don’t know … let me think …. a knighthood or whatever, I’ll be in the Twisted Gusset enjoying a swift half of Blue Nun to get over my nerves *bobs a curtsy*