I had to attend one of Lo, she is a terrible Goddess’s coven conventions last Saturday and quite frankly it’s a miracle I’m not a toad now. (Hmmm. Quite frankly, it wouldn’t be much of a challenge. Lo,TG Ed)

During the mid-luncheon dissection of all things ‘peabrain’, as I was gently musing on the joys of grouting, I glanced up from my reverie and noticed three pairs of eyes staring at me accompanied by the nodding of heads and whispered incantations – Fifitrixibelle’s peabrain, Spike, couldn’t help me, as on the day he was captivated he was stripped down to his undercrackers and chained to the stove [he was knocking up a key lime pud at the time], where he has remained ever since – and then as one, all their eyes glowed red momentarily. It could have been an effect of the wine I suppose but I doubt it, and then, suddenly, the conversation resumed as if nothing had happened.

The hair stood up on the back of my neck. I needed some fresh air and tried to get up but was glued to my seat. I started to panic. What had they done to me!?! I glanced down nervously but was relieved to see that my inability to move wasn’t due to some spell but was the result of messy eating – I’d dropped a whole load of mashed sweet potato on my lap [and beyond] which had set rock hard.

I casually waited until the end of the meal and everyone else had gone out into the garden [Spike was doing the washing up] and then I threw a glass of water on the sweet potato superglue, and freed myself.

Luckily nobody had noticed what had happened, they just thought I’d wet myself – I’m cleverer than I look.

( A most agreeable meeting: unqualified consensus on the continuing need for concerted and complete control of all peabrains by whatever means necessary; and the recognition that while results to date have been satisfactory there is still room for improvement. [So, no need to get a new hobby then.] Lo,TG Ed)