Tag Archives: shopping

THE CASE FOR THE DEFENCE.

July 26, 2018 – 10:24 am

    “Well Mr Daddy Papersurfer, what have you got to say in your defence?” I rose unsteadily to my feet. “Your honour, members of the jury, my loyal fans in the gallery, I realise that the photographic evidence found on my iPhone by the police appears to be damning. Let me explain. A mosquito […]

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REFINED LANGUAGE

February 22, 2015 – 7:46 pm

I’m always trying to improve my teaching techniques. Many years ago, I was 19 I think, I had a job at the Chiltonian biscuit factory. (BTW, I have inside knowledge of what’s in these … … approach with care) Anyhoo 1. There was a chap there who reminded me of Abel Magwitch from Great Expectations. […]

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FEELING NOSTALGIC

September 4, 2013 – 8:51 am

During my supply teaching days I used to be called into one particular school to help teach the testicular cancer awareness lesson as it was well known that I didn’t mind talking testicles. I loved the way the 16/17 year old toughies went very quiet and started squirming in their seats when the very graphic […]

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ONLY AVAILABLE FROM THE DP EMPORIUM!

December 18, 2011 – 9:53 am

I’ve literally spent several minutes inventing, researching, making and product testing the Hagrid Anti-Collider. It is fantastic! The Hagrid Anti-Collider [broom not included] This cutting edge device is guaranteed to help stop people colliding into you when shopping. Only this afternoon I accomplished a double whammy in my local supermarket when I managed to trip […]

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I WONDER WHY?

June 30, 2011 – 6:00 am

I’ve just ordered one of these … … and it might be associated with this … I wonder what I’m up to …. tee hee. . (Oh help! Lo,TG Ed)

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THE NINJA SHOPPER – Conclusion

May 18, 2011 – 6:00 am

Avid Readers, you will remember I was last seen being frogmarched into the security officer’s lair. I won’t go into the details. Suffice it to say that after a very rigorous search of the bags and an all-embracing search of my person the phantom bottle was not found. The security man scratched his head. “This […]

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THE NINJA SHOPPER – PART TWO

May 17, 2011 – 6:00 am

Avid Readers, I may have seemed a tad casual as I prepared to tuck away the receipt, however, with the faint echo of the TG’s voice ringing gently in my ear I decided to check to make sure I’d been awarded the 55p rebate due for the gingernut ‘bulk buy’. Yes. No problems, thank goodness. […]

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THE NINJA SHOPPER – PART ONE

May 16, 2011 – 6:00 am

Although it was raining hard Lo, she is a terrible Goddess insisted suggested that I went shopping – votive offerings were running low. I had to park quite a way from the supermarket so by the time I had managed to find a trolley, find that I’d left the £1 coin needed to release it […]

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SHOPPING

January 7, 2011 – 6:00 am

Honestly some people are so unobservant and thoughtless. I was trying to get to the parsnips in the supermarket the other day and there was some old woman in my way. She seemed to be having trouble differentiating between the parsnips and the carrots and was picking them up and smelling them ….. disgusting. She […]

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DAMMIT – I FORGOT MY HAIR EXTENSIONS!

March 12, 2010 – 7:00 am

In the supermarket the other day I was quietly weighing the frozen peas to make sure I got the fullest pack they had when I was suddenly aware that a woman whose bosom looked like the love child of the Atlas mountains and the continental shelf was walking down the aisle towards me seeming determined […]

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