Witch Hazel was really not nice Always quite free with advice With warts oh so hairy I found her quite scary Unpleasant to be quite precise. Her demeanour was very abrupt Her temper was primed to erupt I admit to my shame And I know it sounds lame That I avoided her and her ‘disrupt’. […]
The Ploppisaurus used to roam over grasslands near and far Like a mower he ate the green stuff , a real old ‘cropping Czar’ While constantly from the other end, a never ending stream Of poo appeared - where it dropped, and fragrant, gently steamed. Now if you’re very lucky and you live in their […]
It’s possible to accept the pants on the floor And the occasional poke in the ribs …. But if you cannot ignore the roar from his snore Then give him the elbow and out of the door. Of course the string vest doesn’t aid the rapport But it isn’t a hanging offence …. But if […]
One for depression Two for drugs Three for a tramp stamp Four for hugz Five for an iPod Six for a Mac Seven for dressing all in black. Eight to Twitter Nine to Poke Ten, beware the ethnic joke There is a colony of the critters at the bottom of the garden that absolutely refuse […]
Ode from the odorous – [sung to the tune of ‘Who wants to be a millionaire?’ – a brief reprise of my life] Who wants to have some decent hair? – I do Who wants to sit in a high-chair? – I do Who wants to grow some pubic hair? – I do Who wants […]
If anyone is interested in writing a dreadful poem or two and wants to send them to me by email – I’ll publish a little anthology later in the month. I’ll quite understand if there are no takers though. Standards are low, as can be seen from this poem, wot I wrote whilst watching Wimbledon. […]
A certain visitor sees mermaids wherever he goes. Here; in the desert; absolutely everywhere ………. ……. let’s play along with him …… he doesn’t get out much. Here are two poems for him. Ode to a mermaid There’s at least one advantage it seems to me Of being a mermaid, and that’s housemaid’s knee. Although […]
MERRILY MERRILY I float down stream and watch the view Quite content, it’s what I do Most of the time the way is smooth The light, the people, tend to soothe There are occasions naturally When rapids could quite drastically Upset the boat and cause disruption Sad disaster and corruption The secret is to get […]
