ROOM 101

I would like to ban hair to Room 101.


It has an unpredictable mind of it’s own and serves no useful purpose.

As the years meander along the hair on your noddle loses the will to live and the energy that it once spent is redirected to all those secret places where hair lurks. The ears, the nostrils, the back and other areas of outstanding natural beauty all suffer from growing pains while the pate turns into an air conditioning unit.

Even ladies aren’t exempt. I remember when my mother was ancient there were three follicles on her chin that sprang forth like non-barbed barbed wire that used to tie themselves in knots around her soup spoon.

I know people will say that hair helps with avoiding chaffing etc but many women I know, and several men, shave under their armpits and I have never noticed them yelling “Ouch” when marching around swinging their arms.

We should all be totally bald with not a single hair on any part of our bodies. It would make life much simpler and predictable.

(Apologies to hairdressers and ‘product’ manufacturers – you’ll just have to retrain)