Official Report from Fairlight Cove – Open Studios 2019



Tina Morris, director of Coastal Currents Arts Festival, strode into my garden like a super model accompanied by Alexander Brattell, anarchic photographer and all round good egg. I noticed that Tina was wearing high heels. My lawn needed aerating so while Alex dashed around clicking, I cunningly showed Tina points of interest in my sward, a dandelion here, the place where local cats liked to pee, the exact spot I dropped a gingernut. Her heels worked beautifully – holes everywhere.

She then inspected my shed extension and the paintings inside and continued aerating whilst viewing the sculptures in the garden. She even had a look at my back entrance.

“Ok Alex, we must go now” she announced.

They returned to the limo and Tina wound down the window.

“Well done DP. Everything was up to scratch. One point though – there is a health and safety issue with reference to the side gate. My head hit the cross bar. Bye’ and roared off as I mumbled a “Thank you.”

Bloody stupid woman – she shouldn’t wear high heels. Ridiculous.

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