I knew the time had to come.

With the new driveway done Lo, the terrible Goddess has now started putting her mind to getting the front garden into shape. As you can see it’s a completely blank canvas. (Giving it a shape, actually. Lo,TG Ed)

Boring picture

“OK Peabrain, stand in the front garden and pretend to be a tree – you’d better put on brown trousers and a green jumper. You’ve got to look like this” – shows me a picture of a Jelly Palm. (Butia Capitata, Peabrain. Tut. Lo,TG Ed)

Tree thingy


“Right – move to the left 5 millimetres.”


“Stand on one leg  – and PUT THOSE ARMS UP HIGHER.”


“Spread your fingers out.”


“5 more millimetres to the left”


“Make your arms longer – I want to see what you’ll look like in 15 years”

“OK”  *mutters – a bloody copse at this rate ….. or a corpse*

“Did you say something? Because that can be arranged, Peabrain.”


“Right – now I want you to be a bush – got any green trousers?”

[My ‘upside’ to this new project will be explained tomorrow]


Match of the Day

Michael Matchley