“Well Mr Daddy Papersurfer, what have you got to say in your defence?†I rose unsteadily to my feet. “Your honour, members of the jury, my loyal fans in the gallery, I realise that the photographic evidence found on my iPhone by the police appears to be damning. Let me explain. A mosquito […]
We went to a lunch this week to celebrate the 60th birthday of one of my Russian cousins. It was a lovely occasion, though not uneventful, and a good time was had by all. A trio played traditional Russian music, which bizarrely included ‘Those were the days’ by Mary Hopkins, which added to the atmosphere. […]
An imaginary e-mail from a 12 year old daughter to her Generation X mother. Hello Mum, I would talk to you directly but your head always seems to be buried in your smart phone and you never actually hear what I’m saying. Firstly, I’m getting a tad concerned about your driving. Pokemon are NOT real […]
Humans have been around for the blink of an eye. It’s highly likely that during the next blink we will become extinct. Perhaps crocodiles and cockroaches will survive and, in the fullness of time, work out how to breed. The result might look like the alien from Aliens. A few, by which I mean loads, […]
My story concerns seven brothers from the town of Muzak who get fed up with waiting for seven brides and decide to join a monastery. After a couple of weeks they all get rather bored, and not wishing to break their vows, form a mime group. They call themselves the Von Trappists. Their act proves […]
I have come up with a brilliant and effective solution to stop people worrying about all those silly, unimportant things. On a particularly fretful day last week, I decided to run around the carpark outside Morrisons the supermarket, wearing nothing more than a smile and a hat. It was very freeing but the worries about […]
Lo, she is a terrible Goddess had an appointment at the hairdressers so I took the opportunity to pop into The Twisted Gusset for my usual half a lager with a sherry chaser. I was greeted by Irene. “Where’s Lo?†“Oh, she’s at the hairdressers.†“They’re very good you know. I had some highlights done […]
Jasper took one last look at the jumble of 1’s and 0’s and then pressed ‘send’. The effect spread incredibly rapidly. Computers all over the world started to resemble a recently agitated snow globe. Even Smart phones were affected. Gradually the snow settled and screens filled up and turned completely white – except Jasper’s. Over […]
It was a dark and stormy night … no that’s been done … oh I know … The hemispheres of her breasts quivered in eager anticipation of his male hardness .. . no … not novel enough … erm … this is quite tricky … *thinks* … *thinks [hardly]* … *thinks [again]* … *thinks [feeling […]
Professor Marigolds is often seen striding through the village wearing robust tweeds with her glasses perched on the end of her nose. She’s retired now of course, but not so long ago she was a well respected scientist working for the War Office, concentrating on the theory that flavoured crisps could be used as a […]
