The Cliff Top Residence SE England England Dear Vicar, Members of the Women’s Institute, Village Hall Committee and other Villagers, I feel that I should offer some explanation concerning my appearance at the festivities to celebrate the Diamond Jubilee. I did think it was slightly strange when I arrived in my birthday suit that no-one […]
Dear Your Majesty A certain Mr David Wellman, a vague acquaintance and certainly not a friend, has created this travesty to celebrate your shiny diamondness Ma’am. I would humbly ask your royal personage to take careful note of his bunting [excuse my French] which includes long johns and kernickers. To make matters worserer his house […]
The Cliff Top Residence SE England England Dear Voice Recognition Bot – British Rail, I just thought I’d drop you a line to say how much I loved our conversation the other day. “Hello. Welcome to British Rail train enquiries. To prove that it’s only me that is a robot, please say hello.†“Hello.†“You […]
The Cliff Top Residence SE England England Dear Chav, You have no idea how delighted I was when, sitting in the park the other day communing with nature and musing on the meaning of life, you plonked yourself down beside me and turned your ghetto blaster to full volume. My delight increased a thousand fold […]
The Cliff Top Residence SE England England Dear Mothers on the school run, How very reassuring that obviously none of you are suffering a personal credit crunch or indeed, worried about global warming. The display of 4×4 vehicles outside the Little Henry and Henrietta Pre-School For Over Achievers this morning, was very impressive. The delight […]
The Cliff Top Residence SE England England Dear Neighbourhood I would like to make a suggestion and, if necessary, form a committee, concerning the use of lawn mowers, strimmers, hedge cutters and chainsaws, particularly early in the morning on weekends and Bank Holidays. My suggestion is that no mechanical or electrical devices are used before […]
The Cliff Top Residence SE England England Dear Mr Dentist, Just a small query; I know that you’re just off to the Bahamas for your 2nd holiday this year, and I don’t want to hold you up. It’s just that I wondered if all dentists ask questions when the patient’s mouth is full of several […]
The rest of the shower room arrived the other day ……. …….. so 3 guesses what I’m doing over Easter. (They say cleanliness is next to Godliness, Peabrain; I think cleanliness might be achievable. Lo,TG Ed) There is a brand new ‘Man of Letters’ over at Sky although I do realise that some people can’t […]
The Cliff Top Residence SE England England Dear Council Worker I was very pleased to see that you were managing to get some ‘me time’ the other day as I queued at the temporary traffic lights for a restful 15 minutes. I noticed you were very well organised, with a copy of a ‘Red Top’, […]
The Cliff Top Residence SE England England Dear 10 items or less Cashier, I would like to congratulate you on noticing that I had, in fact, eleven items in my basket. As I explained to you, and eventually the manager, when I arrived at your splendid sales point I did have ten items but decided […]
