The art of Aspidistra Polishing is shrouded in mystery.

My mother was admitted into the AP Club at an early age. She rose in the ranks very quickly and attained the accolade of Chief Aspidistra Polisher before her teens.

She tried to pass these skills on but my brother and I were poor students.

Photo on 26-02-2015 at 09.41

As you can see from this deliberately distorted photograph (revelations of ANY of the secrets results in a lifetime ban from the Sect, known as Wilting a Member) that I never got beyond the Buffing of the Spider Plant. I take some comfort from the fact that my brother is only qualified to Brush Up a Sneezewort.

We both wish now that we had paid more attention.

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