The Cliff Top Residence
SE England

Dear Vicar, Members of the Women’s Institute, Village Hall Committee and other Villagers,

I feel that I should offer some explanation concerning my appearance at the festivities to celebrate the Diamond Jubilee.
I did think it was slightly strange when I arrived in my birthday suit that no-one else was getting into the swing of the theme but assumed it was because it was a tad chilly.
I do apologise for my rather hasty departure. I shall regret for some time that I had brought a tray of chipolatas as my offering and then asking Miss Cleft if she would like one. Her skill at accurately stabbing a sausage with a cocktail stick leaves a lot to be desired although I do appreciate that the cold weather made things confusing.
Luckily the A&E department were also celebrating the occasion so I didn’t miss out on the Battenburg cake and iced fancies. Actually I felt quite festive what with the red blood, my exposed white buttocks and my blue … oh never mind. Anyway, I would humbly ask that in the future the poster committee use a clearer font – Street Party looks very similar to Streak Party.

I’m looking forward to the report of the fun in the local rag.

Yours sincerely

Daddy Papersurfer