Buttered toast is one of the greatest culinary treats in the civilised world.

Lo, she is a terrible Goddess must be presented with toast that is just right – not undercooked and certainly not burnt. The butter must be applied while the toast is piping hot so that it soaks in. (Oh dear. Sigh. The toast must cool slightly. Some of the butter must melt and some remain on top. It’s not rocket science. Lo,TG Ed)

I, on the other hand, care not one whit about the condition of the toast – from slightly brownish all the way to black is fine by me ……….. but the butter must be spread when the toast has cooled down, so that it doesn’t melt into the toast.

I was thrown into confusion earlier when the TG asked me, at what stage did I want my crumpet buttered?

I couldn’t think. Crumpets are a completely different kettle of fish. I settled the problem by wrapping one half in a thick pair of thermal socks and placed the other half in the fridge. After a few minutes I buttered both pieces and did a taste test.

I am very pleased to report that both halves were equally delicious ……… I wish I’d remembered to take the socks off first though ……