THE NINJA SHOPPER – PART ONE

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Although it was raining hard Lo, she is a terrible Goddess insisted suggested that I went shopping – votive offerings were running low.

I had to park quite a way from the supermarket so by the time I had managed to find a trolley, find that I’d left the £1 coin needed to release it from slavery, in the car, returned to the car, dropped my keys, retrieved the coin, got trollied up, remembered I’d left the ‘Lifetime’ guarantee carrier bags in the car, returned to the car [which was quite lucky actually as I’d left the keys in the door] and finally entered the supermarket, I was completely drenched, looking like a drowned rat, my hair plastered down over my forehead.

I only had to get a few things. Some grapes [to be peeled by me on my return and then hand fed to the TG] some deodorant so that I would be allowed near enough to the TG to hand feed her the peeled grapes, some white gloves [hygiene is very important in our household] and 6 packets of gingernuts. I had noticed that they were on offer, so calculated that I would be forgiven for such extravagance: it was worth the risk anyway.

As I only had these items I could go through the automated help-yourself-we-haven’t-got-enough-staff tills.

I was getting a tad chilly by this time and strongly suspected I was coming down with man-flu. This was confirmed when, just as I was starting to scan the first object, I sneezed all over the scanner.
Being hygienic [see above] I leant forward and cleaned it very thoroughly with a tissue I had in my pocket. It was slightly damp but I think that was from the drenching I’d received.
I continued scanning, bagged up, and paid without giving it that much attention as I was quite keen on getting home, drying out and having a warm milk and honey in an attempt to halt the man-flu in it’s tracks.

To be continued.

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