It is well known that the strength of gravity changes. Gravity was at an all time low when dinosaurs ruled the earth, which is why they were so big, and it was at it’s zenith throughout Ronnie Corbett’s period of growing up.

I noticed yesterday, as I glanced at the full length mirror in the shower room, that once again, gravity is in the ascendant. There are whole sections of my manly frame being pulled ever nearer to the ground (Hmmm. Some of this is wishful thinking Peabrain…..  Lo,TG Ed) at a speed that makes Stephen Fry’s brain look torpid.

The only anomaly to this trend, which may be explained by localised meteorological differences or perhaps self-generating dense matter, are my ears, which are now straining upwards and increasing in size at an alarming rate. I’ve even been offered the part of Dumbo’s grandfather in the local production of ‘Famous Elephants Throughout History’, written by our tame thespian, Miss Bea Mountjoy, with a musical score by her very close friend Cynthia Brasenose.

Also showing over at Sky – tee hee