Our immediate neighbour is Aloe Vera. She is probably over 100 but very lively, apart from a tendency, well chronicled in previous posts, to faint.
She receives regular visits from the vicar. I thought this was very caring of the man, until my suspicions were aroused when I accidentally observed the following scene whilst checking a knot hole in the front fence; for clarity, obviously.
As the vicar strode purposefully up the front path, Aloe Vera flung open the front door in her nightie (boom, boom – yawn. Lo,TG Ed) and yelled “Have you brought your protection!!?”. The vicar tapped a bulge in his cassock and winked at her.
He hurried inside and they disappeared from view. My mind was racing. What should I do? Write to the Parish council and get the vicar de-cassocked? Turn a blind eye and pretend nothing was happening? Sneak over the fence and listen at the open window to get more evidence? …… Yes, that was the sensible thing to do.
I clambered over the fence, tearing a hole in my silk, Ian Fleming style lounging pyjamas, but that didn’t stop me – I was a man on a mission.
I sidled up to the open window, wishing I had thought of bringing the camera. To my surprise I could see the vicar muttering incantations and sprinkling water here, there and everywhere, whilst Aloe was saying “There’s definitely a lost spirit in here; things move around when I’m out of the room – please, ask it to leave – It’s frightening me!!!”
Light dawned.
The vicar finished his ‘stuff’, tucked his bottle of holy water back in his cassock and reassured Aloe that all would be well. She gratefully nodded, collapsed on the sofa and murmuring to the vicar “Thank you – you can find your own way out, can’t you?” promptly fell into a deep sleep.
I had a decision to make.
Should I mention the occasion when, playing with my favourite paper aeroplane in the garden, it flew through her window and, so as not to disturb her, I decided to use a fishing rod to try and retrieve it, and that in doing so I accidentally hooked various items like a flying duck, a bowl of pot pourri , an antimacassar, a copy of the Radio Times, an occasional table and a bust of Beethoven – all of which were displaced a tad – and that the occasional table proved quite a problem and ended up on the piano?
I decided, taking everything into consideration, that I’d just keep quiet and let sleeping dogs lie. Oh yes, the dozing dachshund!!! – I wonder if he ever got out of that large chinese vase?
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Stumble It!
8 Comments
do you lot down there never get dressed Aloe in her nightie and you in your silk PJs … don’t suppose there is much point though at your ages
The vicar was wearing his dress! …. and of course the TG is always sartorially elegant …… pure happen chance that Aloe and I were in ‘relaxed mode’ ……
I could spread a rumour …..
I wouldn’t put it past you ……. you little minx!!! – tee hee
Brilliant deduction sis!
Oh really …… tsk
Dp ‘to resist is futile’…
That sounds ominous ……. but I don’t care! I have no fear …… I’m indestructible ……. I’m …..*hiding* ………..
did some say something?.. can’t see anyone though!!
You can’t put in typos just so I come out of hiding …………. whoops!
gottya!!!
Sorry, no one is here at the moment – please leave your money and credit cards and I’ll get back to you if I return from my tax haven – thank you
what you pay tax in heaven???
Maybe the vicar should come to your house and throw a bit of holy water around – to get rid of the mischevious spirit inside you?
I was thinking of administering a general fumigation and some double strength Dettox, followed, maybe, by a good strong dose of castor oil and a soupçon of syrup of figs.
As for the house – well, a little light dusting should do it.
I have some very pleasant joss sticks I could send – if not as an aid to fumigation than to get rid of the smell of Dettox!!!!
This is all far too domestic for me ….. I’ll just have a little lie-down while you two decide what to do …….
Lordy, I am SO glad you don’t live next to me. Although, on further consideration, as my next door neighbour is a dreadful, curmudgeonly, miserable old git, who picked a fight with me a couple of weeks after I’d moved in 4 years ago and now just snarls at me whenever he sees me, you might be an improvement. At least I’d get the TG as a neighbour…
Diane – I didn’t realise you lived two doors away from me!!!
I would never pick a fight with you Diane ….. I’d just keep a very close eye on you ….. for your own sake of course ……
@Kate ….. and I don’t believe you Kate ….. surely you’re a sweet little thing …….
I am, of course I am but ….. “as my next door neighbour is a dreadful, curmudgeonly, miserable old git, who picked a fight with me a couple of weeks after I’d moved in 6 years ago and now just snarls at me whenever he sees me”…… it can only be that Diane lives next door but one…..
Surely there can’t be two people like that in the world???????
Ah ….. my maths was misbehaving itself …… I get confused very easily ………
There must be one of those in every neck of the woods! Mine actually lives across the street though, and I tell you, I’ve rarely seen anything like it. When the youngest fraccy child was but 4 or 5, one of their lot actually threatened to sic their dog on my boy in a case of mistaken blame. Seriously! This supposed ‘adult’ threatened to let her dog attack a 4 year old.
There should be an island somewhere for all these ‘neighbours’ to reside amongst themselves and leave the rest of us out of it.
We’ve actually been very lucky – we did have a slightly batty neighbour once but I gave as good as we got …. tee hee
It has nothing to do with the aloe vera problem but this has been hanging around my desktop for a number of days. In some strange way it may have something to do with pajamas or fishing gear – - – -
A surrealist old blogger named “P”
Was Daddy to Penfold you see
He then used his rigs
To father young Tigzz
While Lo claimed his brain was a pea!
A lovely limerick young Archie – chronologically incorrect but none-the-less a sterling effort that will have to be included in the Lead Poet’s Society anthology soon to be available somewhere, very reasonably priced with all the profits going to me ……..
I don’t know… I think your efforts are admirable and perfectly justified. A person NEEDS to know what kind of shenanigans are going on next door. I like to call it “being aware of my surroundings”.
Exactly ….. I take my responsibilities very seriously. I’m thinking about gluing some binoculars permanently to my eyes as a matter of fact …….
You tore your silk pyjamas. Tsk. Not very Fleming-like behaviour. (I’m learning to spell properly, see!)
….. and jolly well done young Lizza, I’m very impressed …… my name’s Papersurfer ….. Daddy Papersurfer …. I’m shaken and rarely stirred ….. where’s that draught coming from!!?! *brrrrrr*
Lucky for us that Aloe failed to notice I was standing in for the usual vicar. Your share of this months ‘exorcism’ fees is in the post.
Lord & Lady Pett-Lightly’s manor house may be a harder project methinks, the Baronial Hall that you are going to re-arrange is 26 metres long, have you ordered that extra long extension for the fishing pole?
I think my equipment will be up to the challenge ….. I can always tie some bamboo on the end or failing that, there’s always drain rods ….. they’ve got me out of all kinds of pickles ……
Poor Aloe. She really has no idea about whom she needs protection from, does she?
Don’t worry Fraccy – I’ll keep an eye on her ….. might invite her over for a bite …….