Daddy Papersurfer

I’d better let you know about the rest of the neighbours before they decide to move.

There was a bit of an incident last night when Gertrude, my pet llama, escaped. He’s ‘in heat’ at the moment and decided to try his luck with the re-cycling bin outside the Corduroy’s house – the racket was tremendous.

The only person who didn’t complain was Miss Kraken who never seems to sleep anyway. She’s quite interesting actually. She dresses like a bag lady and re-cycles everything [including cotton buds, which I find slightly disturbing].(The question that springs – unwanted – to my mind is, “How do you know?” Lo,TG Ed) Rumour has it that she’s worth millions but I fear that her love for animals will rule out any money that might come my way (now, if you’d said ‘dumb animals’…… Lo,TG Ed). I’m considering trying to persuade the terrible Goddess to be the back-legs in a pantomime horse outfit and try and befriend her – somehow I don’t think the TG will agree though. (why on earth should being the back-legs in a pantomime horse make me your friend, Peabrain? Lo,TG Ed) {{I don’t have to edit everything. Lo,Tetc.etc.}}

The McGregor’s in number 11, are a mismatched pair. Stan wears cavalry twill trousers and beige shirts, twirls a rather fine moustache, strides round the village poking at litter with his walking stick and starts every sentence with “When I was lad …..” even if it isn’t relevant. I got very confused when I first met him and he said “When I was lad – it’s very nice to meet you – oh look, some litter that needs poking – goodbye.” Actually, he made me feel quite at home.
Anyway, his wife Peggy, is a completely different kettle of fish. She sees herself as the village siren. She dyes her hair very blonde, staggers along on 5 inch heels, has skirts that I could use as ties, wears more make-up than Ronald McDonald, and the perfume she uses kills any wildlife within sniffing range. The only part of her that could be said to be like a siren is her voice. I try and avoid her, as I fear for my life, and have even broken into a run on a couple of occasions when I’ve spotted her – which incidentally did nearly kill me.

There’s only one other person in the street – Aloe Vera –  I’ve mentioned her on other occasions. More about her another day. She deserves a post all to herself.
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{{Nice day off, btw. Most refreshing. Lo,TG Ed}}