The most important and the most basic skill to learn is: how to open your eyes. Any attempt to wake up and function properly without learning how to do this is doomed to failure. I must admit that over the years I have tried to leave out this stage but the results; cracked shin bones, using haemorrhoid cream instead of toothpaste and actually going out of the front door and stripping off my clothes convinced that I’m in the shower, have led to complications, frequent visits to the A&E department and the occasional lawsuit.
Well done! Stage 1 completed!
I believe the skill should be made a part of the National Curriculum and taught in all schools. I realise that there is a small logistical problem in that that on the first day of school the lesson hasn’t been able to be taught yet but I feel that if parents are supportive it’s possible to get over this small hurdle. If the parents can’t help then I believe it is the responsibility of the government to provide strings that can be led from each house to the main entrance of the school, where qualified teachers can then guide our young people to the correct classroom to learn this valuable lesson.
As I’m not qualified to give the proper instruction I can’t go into too much detail, but I can mention that staples, springs, fine wire, a series of pulleys and small lead weights could be involved. It’s not for the faint hearted! Of course if you have servants the problem is easily solved.
Stumble It!
10 Comments
I believe several companies are working furiously to perfect a SONAR app for smartphones that will eliminate the need to open ones eyes.
They must be bats.
I have found dreams are preferable to reality so avoid waking at every opportunity! I think I am asleeeeeep astb I tpey tshi
Dream on and on and on Archie …
What does haemorrhoid cream taste like?
‘Orrible but it does shrink the uvula very effectively.
i wake up just fine on weekday mornings. usually around 9am, at my desk at the office. and i generally have no idea how i got there, but my colleagues tell me that i show up, grab coffee, and sit at the desk somewhere around 8am…
One of life’s small miracles.
What is the appropriate age for caffeine to be introduced to a developing mind?
Directly from the breast.
How should I pursue lost childhood?
I’m sure you can work it out yourself …
What are you wearing?
Full protective gear … now.
…gotta work on my approach still, huh?
I need to be wooed in woad … stiff upper lip and all that.
Cherub wings and a lyre or Eggs Benedict at dawn?
Oooo … cherub wings and a lyre! I find Eggs Benedict a bit rich …
Yolks or the sauce. It’s no problem, really.
I had that thought once. I thought using super glue might work perfectly but instead of opening my eyes, I ended up glueing my finger to my shoe.
Now I’m wondering why you were wearing your shoes in bed.
sadly i was at work. it was a bit challenging to answer the phone.
The word ‘w***’ is banned by order of the DP Society of Sofa Sitters!
If it makes a difference, I was only “at” work, I wasn’t working. In the future I will curb my use of the word.
Thank you … *wipes brow*
No, no NO! I don’t want to wake up and get out of bed!! One of the biggest challenges of life! Ugh*
Grab a few more minutes … or hours …
Funny. I used to know people in college who had perfected the art of sleeping with their eyes open.
It’s a worldwide phenomenon.
I need to slee
zzzz
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zzzz
uh…what? waz everybo
zzz
zzzz
*Tiptoes away quietly*
OI! DaddyP, you are taking this sleeping thing to extremes!
Oooops sorry! *tap tap tap tap tap* … OK?