I was walking down the lane last week
And spied upon the ground
A banana skin just lying there
Which I failed to go around.
I was mesmerised and couldn’t stop
From treading on the skin
And proved that tales ‘bout slipping
Are true, to my chagrin.
I tumbled over and fell in the ditch
Looking like a pin-up,
My kilt was gathered at my [...]
The brassiere is a wondrous thing
A technical delight
Without the bra the wobbly bits
Could easily take flight.
.
Match of the Day
.
Oh hello, you look divine …. how are the boys? ….. did they build that shrine?
I’m not too sure – is this one mine? …. yes, I used the Northern line ….
Did you hear about Uncle Lime? ….. and then the incident with sisal twine ….
No, he’s fine ….. [that doorway’s crooked, if I just [...]
……. although you probably won’t take any notice [sometimes I wonder why I bother]. (Nooo, surely not. Lo,TG Ed)
There’s nothing like a grumble to really lift your mood,
Express yourself out loud, it’s awfully bad to brood
“Your skirt is way way way too short, it’s very very rude,
Your ideas on elegance are absolutely skewed!
And don’t you [...]
My ickle fish in their ickle pond have such an idyllic time
Then their ickle brains go all-a-whir, “It really is a crime -
He knows that we get so hungry – it MUST be dinner time.
Just an ickle snack of loveliness would keep us in our prime.”
“He could I s’pose provide a bell that we could [...]
For reasons that would take too long to explain, the TG and I ended up having a poetry competition. The subject was ‘chairs’.
These are the results.
CHAIRS
by Lo, she is a terrible Goddess
This is a poem all about chairs
It isn’t bout jam and it isn’t bout hairs
[or bears]
[there follows a short break whilst the TG has [...]
The Jaffa cake and chocolate finger make me want to scream
I have no time for bourbons or the humble custard cream
Digestives? No!!
The prize must go
To the GINGERNUT supreme.
.
(I’m totally sick of bally gingernuts. Lo,TG Ed)
.
Match of the Day
.
Witch Hazel was really not nice
Always quite free with advice
With warts oh so hairy
I found her quite scary
Unpleasant to be quite precise.
Her demeanour was very abrupt
Her temper was primed to erupt
I admit to my shame
And I know it sounds lame
That I avoided her and her ‘disrupt’.
She died with nobody there
Her cupboards were cobwebbed and bare
But [...]
The Ploppisaurus used to roam over grasslands near and far
Like a mower he ate the green stuff , a real old ‘cropping Czar’
While constantly from the other end, a never ending stream
Of poo appeared - where it dropped, and fragrant, gently steamed.
Now if you’re very lucky and you live in their old hood
The vegetables and [...]
It’s possible to accept the pants on the floor
And the occasional poke in the ribs ….
But if you cannot ignore the roar from his snore
Then give him the elbow and out of the door.
Of course the string vest doesn’t aid the rapport
But it isn’t a hanging offence ….
But if you cannot ignore the roar from [...]
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