Imagine the scene. The orchestra has played the Prelude, the curtains sweep back and there is Senor D. Papersurfer standing in front of a glass shower cubicle wearing a towel and his sandals. He turns his back to the audience, removes his sandals and then the towel. He enters the shower cubicle. There’s a gasp from the audience when he drops the soap. Luckily there’s another bar at hand height.

The music starts up and then his wonderful tenuous voice, in the undefinable key that he is most famous for, fills the auditorium …

Imperial Leather I love yoooooou
And Lux and Lifebuoy toooooooo
And when I’m really dirty or smellllllllllllllllllllly
Wright’s Coal Tar
Or Swarfega
Or Dettol [the soap of course not the liquid disinfectant, that would be sillllllllllly ….. and messsssssssssy ……. and stingggggggggy]
Lather, lather, lather laaaaaaaaather
Bubbles everywhere
Scrubbing hard, don’t use laaaaaaaard
And don’t
And don’t
AND DON’’’’’’’’’’’’’T
Forget to dry between your toes!  (But not until the curtain falls please, Peabrain. Lo,TG Ed)


*Takes a bow and waits for the fat lady to sing so I can get home and have a cuppa*

[Much kudos to whoever can identify the music]