Wed
18
Jan
2017

ART – THE ANTIDOTE TO ALGORITHMS


There are no rules.

Think outside and inside and on top of and underneath the box.

Ignore the box.

Don’t think.

Over think.

If you encourage viewers to see something they haven’t noticed before, or to think differently, or anger them, or give them a reassuring warm feeling, or present an image that haunts … or any reaction at all, then you’ve succeeded to some degree at least.

Viewers have responsibilities as well.

I like the thinkers who are interested enough to see beyond face value. Yawning is very annoying.

Art can be a problem to be solved and sometimes it isn’t.

If you need me I’ll be in the shed.

Sat
24
Dec
2016

MINI TWIGLET JENGA

A few years ago I invented this marvellous game! The family love to play it.

Twiglet Jenga

The rules are simple.

You play in reverse of normal Jenga in that each person takes a turn to add to the tower. When someone causes the tower to collapse they have to eat all the Twiglets.

There is one additional rule for grownups. Every time  I hear someone murmur “Bloody stupid game” they have to have a shot of cooking sherry.

The last person to be sick WINS!

Have a lovely Christmas and a very happy 2017 – what could possibly go wrong?

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Sat
17
Dec
2016

PARTY TIME!

Moscow Nights 2012

We went to a lunch this week to celebrate the 60th birthday of one of my Russian cousins. It was a lovely occasion, though not uneventful, and a good time was had by all.

A trio played traditional Russian music, which bizarrely included ‘Those were the days’ by Mary Hopkins, which added to the atmosphere.  My goodness,  a couple of balalaikas and an accordion can create some volume.

We were lucky enough to be sitting right by the band. It was only possible to speak to immediate neighbours.

One of my young cousins was sitting opposite me. I hadn’t seen her for ages. I passed a message round the table “How are you Sarah?” and the reply came back “Level 567 on Candy Crush.” I gave up the idea of trying to have a sensible conversation and just chatted to the people sitting right next to me.

When the main course arrived it was a tad under seasoned for my taste. It needed salt. The salt was the other side of the table. I passed the message along “Pass the salt please.” When the request reached Sarah I noticed her calling over a waitress and whispering to her. Oh good, it was working. To my amazement the waitress then ran off and before I knew what was happening I had been bundled into a wheel chair and propelled into the disabled loo.

I won’t go into details about what I did next but if you’re in the Brighton area the local Russian folk band are looking for new instruments.

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Thu
15
Dec
2016

THE INTERNET AND SOCIAL MEDIA

Realistic vector magnifying glass

Most people use magnifying glasses to help see fine detail, to examine and discover.

A few use them to start fires or kill small insects.

I could waffle on about what I’m getting at but you are all intelligent enough to understand … I hope.

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Fri
11
Nov
2016

A VIEWING SUGGESTION

This is what ducks do

For those people who can’t get beyond wondering why I use rubber ducks a lot this might help. Imagine the duck is a person, even perhaps, yourself.

Anyway, this piece is called ‘This is What Ducks Do’ and is made from very heavy limestone and a rubber duck. Technically it was quite tricky to make as people, I mean ducks, squash easily.

This is on display at my secret Portuguese gallery and may be viewed by appointment.

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Sat
22
Oct
2016

WHERE HAVE ALL THE ISMS GONE?

Polkadottism

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In the good old days art isms were well defined and understood – Surrealism, Pointillism, Abstract Expressionism etc.

Nowadays there are plenty of examples of Narcissism, Sentimentalism, Amateurism and Commercialism but little evidence of an interesting and lasting new art ism.

I suspect that the last ism was Post Modernism which has now degenerated into Facebook Postism.

Oh well, there you go.

Wed
14
Sep
2016

TIMES THEY ARE A-CHANGING

An imaginary e-mail from a 12 year old daughter to her Generation X mother.

Unknown-3

Hello Mum,

I would talk to you directly but your head always seems to be buried in your smart phone and you never actually hear what I’m saying.

Firstly, I’m getting a tad concerned about your driving.

Pokemon are NOT real and you don’t have to try and avoid them when dropping me off at school. BTW staring at your phone whilst driving is a really bad idea.

Secondly, butter is safe to eat this week so if you could order some from Ocado I’d be very grateful. I do like a little bit of butter on my bread. (This a is a quote Mum, Google it! it’s from a real book).

OK, I’m off to the park now to kick a ball around with my friends and yes, I’ll avoid all dodgy looking people, be VERY careful when crossing the road and I’ll certainly keep my eyes open for the crocodile that’s been reported on Twitter.

Love you loads

Betsy

BTW – I’ll have my mobile with me in case of a REAL emergency but it’ll be turned off. One of your constant messages buzzing me might be a distraction just as I’m about to score!

Mon
12
Sep
2016

MY VISION FOR THE FUTURE.

Humans have been around for the blink of an eye. It’s highly likely that during the next blink we will become extinct.

Perhaps crocodiles and cockroaches will survive and, in the fullness of time, work out how to breed.

The result might look like the alien from Aliens.

Great-Movie-Easter-Eggs-Alien-Predator

A few, by which I mean loads, years later creatures from another galaxy might arrive on earth, one looking suspiciously like Sigourney Weaver.

Having seen all the Alien films (and coincidentally re-runs of Fleabag which inspired them all to speak English – result!) from ‘stuff’ floating around in the ether, the creatures will be a tad standoffish at first but will eventually discover that the ‘new’ aliens are quite friendly. Indeed, they might find out that they have an incredible ability for weaving beautiful objects from bull shit.

The future could be bright.

BTW – Mother Earth thinks all this fretting that different dominant species have about this and that is a bit of a hoot and her favourite word is ‘whatever’.

Sun
4
Sep
2016

THE BOTTOM OF MY GARDEN

The bottom of my garden

So today, I was sitting in the garden enjoying a G&T when I heard a voice emanating from the public footpath the other side of the hedge – “Is that art?”

I began to feel a tad depressed.

And then I remembered that yesterday, when I was actually on the public footpath looking for feathers, that I met a young family – Mum, Dad and two sons.

Mum – “We love your sculptures!”

Dad – “Do you specialise in metal work?”

Me – “I learnt welding and casting at college but nearly everything you see is made of wood. I’ve come up with a cunning plan to disguise wood as bronze and the letters on the sign are made from Flashband …”

Dad – “Oh yes … messy stuff.”

Me – “ … cut out with scissors.”

Dad … “Surely you have to …?”

Me – “Exactly! After every cut I have to clean the scissors with turps.”

Dad – “Blimey.”

Kids – “Brilliant.”

It’s very difficult to remember the nice, interesting things that people say. Something about the human condition makes us only remember the negative things that happen to us. I’ve noticed this many times, both with myself and folk that I know.

Humans are ridiculous.

Fri
1
Apr
2016

YER REAL PORTUGAL

There’s yer real peeps, left winged with a touch of right and a dose of liberalism, that can only exist in the ‘real’ of whatever country they’ve invaded temporarily.

Portuguese patio

This is a ‘real’ Portuguese patio.

We’re getting used to it.

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