I’ve literally spent several minutes inventing, researching, making and product testing the Hagrid Anti-Collider. It is fantastic!

Hagrid Anti-Collider
The Hagrid Anti-Collider [broom not included]

This cutting edge device is guaranteed to help stop people colliding into you when shopping. Only this afternoon I accomplished a double whammy in my local supermarket when I managed to trip up an old lady and poke a child in the eye with one well controlled movement. They were both intent on bumping into me. The two of them were stopped dead in their tracks. I was briefly concerned that the old lady actually was dead but my sharp hearing could detect a low moan from underneath the display of Chocolate Oranges . Unimpeded, I continued on my way selecting tempting delicacies for Lo, she is a terrible Goddess. The only drawback was the sound of a child sobbing in the adjacent isle.

This useful and unique product is only available from me. The kit comprises the head of Hagrid and some gaffer tape and has been cunningly designed to be able to be fitted to broom handles, golf clubs, fishing rods and runner bean supports.
Please send me details of your bank accounts with pin numbers [these will NOT be shared of course – I’ll keep it all to myself]. I will deduct the sum of £99.99 from at least one of your accounts. This includes a small charge for post and packaging. Before you know it, something wonderful will be winging itself through your letter box!

HURRY HURRY if you want to buy something really special for the love of your life this Christmas!

(Disclaimer – Practise is needed. There is a slight risk of destroying shop displays. My case comes up early in the New Year.)

[If you won’t listen to me perhaps a trip to this chap might make things clearer!]