JACK AND JILL …

… a risk assessment.

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Jack and Jill went up the hill

(already I have an impending sense of disaster. How steep is the hill? Has it been checked for trip hazards? Are there any paedophiles in the area?)

To fetch a pail of water.

(Oh dear. Has the pail been sanitised? How heavy is it when empty and when full? Is the handle securely fastened? Is there a splinter issue?)

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Jack fell down and broke his crown,

(Well, don’t accuse me of not issuing enough warnings. I fear we’ll never know exactly why though.)

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And Jill came tumbling after.

(Well, that was unexpected! Now there are probably issues about knickers being flashed and the subsequent traumas both to Jill and Jack)

Up Jack got and home did trot,

(A classic example of man-flu which the more observant and well educated avid reader will be able to connect with the sort of behaviour displayed by professional footballers)

As fast as he could caper;

(Another serious H&S issue – never run with a broken crown. Please note your Majesty *drops a curtsy*)

And went to bed and bound his head

(At last Jack has done something sensible)

With vinegar and brown paper.

(I take that back. This treatment has never shown any beneficial results and can induce a hankering for fish and chips)

I think this post is self-explanatory but if you have any questions please submit them in triplicate.

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