I have been making a very careful study of the cave paintings to be found in Milton Keynes and have made a remarkable discovery concerning the invention of the wheel.

Ugh the Caveman was very fond of biscuits. Not gingernuts of course, that would be ridiculous. They were an oatmeal confection cooked in hairy mammoth fat and flavoured with blackberries and left-overs.

In the early days when Ugh only had a couple of children he could say to Mrs Ugh –

“Ugh ugh ugh” – roughly translated as “Pass the biscuits my goddess, I’m truly famished” and she would hand one to him.

Later on when Ugh had fathered 26 children and he sat at one end of the table and Mrs Ugh the other with all the children in between and he said –

“Ugh ugh ugh”, Mrs Ugh started throwing the biscuit along the length of the table.

One day, happenchance dictated that the biscuit landed on it’s side and rolled the full length of the table straight into Mr. Ugh’s eager hand.

“Ugh?” said Mr. Ugh.

“Ugh ugh ugh” said Mrs Ugh – roughly translated as “I’ve done the hard work, now you try and work out the possibilities – personally I’m thinking wheelbarrows, prams and cars.”

“Ugh?” said Mr. Ugh ….. and nothing happened for about 2000 years.

All the Mrs Ughs during this period learnt a new word …… “Tsk”

roller skate

[A reconstruction of the first roller-skate using gingernuts as they are the only biscuits available at the Cliff Top Residence at the moment. This design appeared quite early on in the development of the wheel although it took several centuries for Mr Ugh to realize that one for each foot might be a good idea].