The Forth Bridge
The Forth Bridge was built by Sir William Arrol & Co. between 1883 and 1890. Sir Benjamin Baker – “one of the most remarkable civil engineers Britain ever produced” – and his colleague Allan Stewart, received the major credit for it’s design and were responsible for overseeing the building work. During its construction, over 450 workers were injured and 98 lost their lives.
Much less is known about the First, Second and Third Bridges – until now.
A contemporary portrait of Mrs Shamus McDuff.
The First bridge was built in the Bronze age by Shamus McDuff. He cast his eye round his village on the south side of the river and couldn’t see any maidens to his liking. Being afraid of boats he decided to contrive a way of getting to the North bank to see what the talent was like on the other side. Using only locally grown sustainable timber, and home made string he started on the task. It took him longer than he thought and he eventually stepped onto dry land at the age of 86. Unfortunately he was so old and ugly by then that the maidens just laughed at him. He got very depressed, set fire to the bridge and settled down with a haggis for company. He died soon after dinner – having eaten his chosen partner.
The Second Bridge was built of stone by the Picts – very quickly and very efficiently – during the time the Romans were cavorting around most of the rest of Great Britain.
The Romans, a short race (vertically challenged, Peabrain, tut. Lo,TG Ed), had just finished building Hadrian’s Wall. After the ‘Topping Out’ ceremony they all got very drunk for several days, to celebrate. During this time of debauchery the Picts stole the two top layers of stone from the wall, and in a manoeuvre that present day MPs would have been proud of, carried it away and built the Second bridge within weeks.
When the Romans came round from their revelries they didn’t notice the missing stone and just assumed that they’d all grown taller. They were very pleased and extended their party for another fortnight.
This bridge was destroyed during the global warming scare of 1739, when a confused iceberg made it’s way up the Forth river.
Contrary to popular belief there was no Third Bridge. The radical Presbyterians, a singularly powerful force in Scotland, banned the number 3 as it was and is considered rather vulgar. To this day, if you walk down any street in Scotland you will notice there no houses numbered 3 – the numbering always jumps from 2 to 4.
And so we come to the bridge we know today ……. built partly to guarantee work for painters and decorators.
.
(Not any more, Peabrain; they’re going to be using special paint from now on – it lasts for 25 years. Lo,TG Ed)
Stumble It!
9 Comments
Mt Gt grand daddy was a stone mason on the 4th Bridge …. I am off up to Scotland this morning.. although I will not be by the 4th I will make some enquiries about 1st, 2nd & 3rd just in case you need some back up for your research…..
whilst I am there can I get anything for anyone .. kilt, sporran, haggis, deep fried mars bar, Edinburgh rock???
Scotland be brave – 70’s is coming!!!!
I love Edinburgh rock.
My address is:
Daddy Papersurfer
The Cliff Top Residence
England
…… thank you [and any more information about the 1st, 2nd or non-existent 3rd would be very useful indeed - I'm working towards my doctorate - I lost my last one when the dog ate it -spookily he was called Doctor]
Doctor Who?
Hey, someone had to ask!
Just Doctor Archie …… just Doctor ………
Knock Knock..
Who’es there ?
Doctor
Doctor Archie????
Oh come on this is getting surreal now !!!
It all makes perfect sense to me …… where are my pills?
I like the way those Picts operated. Even if they had been caught in the act, they could have probably convinced the Romans to have ‘one more for the woad’.
You know I don’t approve of blue jokes GW ……
The first it was built by McDuff,
The Picts ? Didn’t quite know their stuff,
Stole Roman crenellations,
But needed better foundations,
‘Cos the ice took away what was rough.
Summed up with panache and style GW …… as I would expect …….
Panache…..mmmm, another word of French origin, can we expect to see ‘History Lesson – ?’ The Storming of the Bastille?
There should be one about whopping their bottoms at Agincourt I suppose …..
As usual – I feel strangely enlightened, if a little confused!
Enlightenment is good …… in many ways …… tee hee
And there will be those who doubt the veracity of this tale.
Archie – I’m thinking of petitioning our Secretary of State for Education [yes, we do have one, although it's hard to believe these days], Ed Balls [yes, that is his name , although it's hard to believe any day] to add these History lessons to the national curriculum [yes, there is one, etc. etc.]. After all if Creationism is being taught in some of our schools in the name of there being an equal opportunity to learn complete rubbish, there must be a place for this.
Must lie down now – ranting is such hard work.
Sorry darling ……. glass of champagne and a Twiglet?
Wiki tells us that “Young Earth creationist views are held by many Protestant Christians in the USA. It is also estimated that 47% of Americans hold this view”!!!!
One can only hope that a large percentage of the 53% (or are there some ‘don’t knows’) who don’t hold that view are not 100% barking mad too!
What do you think of the theory that babies come from under gooseberry bushes in goddess’s undergarments?
trolls live under bridges, theyre scary
*BOO* – tee hee – sorry Nooter, that was unkind ……
That picture gives more credibility to the term ‘plucky ducky’.
Liverwurst is my limit. That someone drew that cartoon…(shivers).
I need some coffee. I’m really affected by all this blood and guts.
I second that motion for coffee. Some days, coming to ‘work’ is simply more harrowing than others. You have no idea what I go through… TG is my hero, though she probably has no idea I feel that way.
Surprisingly haggis is delicious – and I’m a very fussy eater ……..
No DP… I seconded John’s motion for coffee not haggis. Perhaps you need a little lie down? I think the bench in the copy room is free at the moment… just please… no ‘puddles’ in there please, the budget doesn’t account for discarding all those reams of paper (and it’s not terribly environmental to waste like that either…)
I’ve solved the ‘puddle’ problem. I am, at this very moment wearing a watering can …… and little else …….. just for you Fraccy ….. tee hee
I’m honoured… I think… but, umm… watering cans have spouts with holes, so please do maintain a military posture if you can… otherwise the teapot won’t be the only thing shouting when something is tipped over and poured out!
The TG is always telling me not to stoop as well ……..
…for once, Fracas agrees with me. (drops to his knees thanking the baby Jesus away in a manger)
Sometimes Fracas shows some sense ….. [she doesn't read this rubbish does she? *a bit scared now*]
Coffee is nice, but chocolate covered espresso beans are the bi***in’! Course…can’t chew ‘em with just one plate. Could grind them up.
Wouldn’t that be like the ultimate cocoa powder?
I love those choccy expresso beans!!! I haven’t had any for ages ……. when’s Christmas this year?
There’s been a decree of sorts. Old British Gits (with bald spots) are to be immediately banned from consuming all things choccy. I’ve heard there’s a plan to put all of you on a special diet of gingernuts and water.
Where do all these decrees come from? ……. I have my suspicions …….
I ain’t eatin’ his gingernuts, no matter what, Fracas.
I think it would technically be mocha powder.
But how would it taste in your opinion, oh wise one?
I can always count on you to have a plethora of knowledge!
The depths of my knowledge are beyond imagination. If still waters run deep, I think I must be turgid ….. tee hee
…and just remember: if you scramble a handful of turgids, you’d have rid guts shared with everyone here!
Perhaps I should start using the name Rud Gits ….. it does have a ring to it ……
Please define Rud as used in the above sentence.
My name is now Rud …. I decided to drop the ‘e’.
You could use one of those Us with the double dots, or some kind of phonetic enunciational thing a ma bobs on it.
A phonetic nun? ….. now there’s a thought ……
When your comments start eliciting erotic thoughts, I know I’ve had nun so very long.
Let’s have a singsong to take your mind off the pleasures of the flesh
“The hills are alive with the sound of music” tra-la
Nope, not working. Still feelin’ peasy pleased.
A cold shower for you mi lad …… and no soap to drop!
No worries, plenty stocked up with shower gel to sooth my savage skin.
History is an amazing thing. I would have never expected I’d learn about Haggis, bridges, icebergs and Romans all from the same topic. Strange how it all comes together…
I might put it forward as part of my thesis on Chaos Theory for my PhD …… subtitled ‘A Bridge Too Far’