The Trojan Hearse.
A lot of the fascinating parchments I inherited when moving into the Cliff Top Residence concern information about weird goings on with members of the clergy.
For instance, one stained and dog-eared manuscript describes the Very Reverend Charletton Grimsbody, who was defrocked in 1738 by the then Bishop of Wainwright.
By piecing together snippets of information gleaned from this document, and another source that I’m afraid I can’t reveal, I’ve learnt that Charletton Grimsbody was defrocked for wearing frocks when in office. A blind eye was turned for several years by the local parishioners, but matters were brought to a head when he insisted on donning high heels to complete the outfit, precipitating a tottering incident during a baptism. The baby was fine, but the font fell over and the Widow Arbuthnot , a woman of extremely small stature, was squished to such an extent she had to retire from her career as greyhound jockey to the nobility.
The Very Reverend Grimsbody was immediately banned from entering his own church ever again.
Now, the interesting part of the story [and about time too I hear you say avid reader] I discovered in yet another document.
Charletton Grimsbody was extremely upset about the whole business of course and when he remembered that he had left his favourite pair of shoes under the alter he was forbidden to approach, he lost it completely.
He came up with a cunning plan.
He faked his own death and wrote a codicil in his will that he wanted to have his funeral service in his old church. The elders of the parish could see no harm in this; he was dead and no longer presented any danger to the locals.
The coffin was taken into the church and placed on trestles just before the alter …. at which point the Very Reverend Charletton Grimsbody flung the lid open, sprang forth, dived under the alter, grabbed his shoes and fled down the nave and out of the doors, never to be heard of again.
The undertakers, who had been completely fooled by the Reverend, thereafter always referred to the incident as ‘The Trojan Hearse’ episode.
Post script : 3 people died of heart attacks, the coffin lid concussed two choir boys, an ignorant rather large woman gave birth to triplets, and a lot of the congregation had little accidents. The local washer woman who 20 years later died a millionairess laundress, often said “T’was the bestest thing that ever ‘appened to I.”
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(You could dis-establish the church single handed, couldn’t you, Peabrain? Lo,TG Ed)
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Stumble It!
10 Comments
I wonder if he was prepared and wore a new frock for his finale??
It certainly is strange dooon Souff….
There weren’t any details about that …. mmmmm …… perhaps, I should study the papers again ……… whoooooooosh [putting kettle on and grabbing the biscuit tin on the way]
I have this image of him dashing out the nave in a white rather lacey number with a tight bodice…. like a jilted bride
[why I have this image, lord only knows .. it must be nearly the weekend surely!!]
I bet he looked lovely ……
you were never a choir boy were you daddyp?
My singing voice causes stampedes ….. so, no I wasn’t …… went to church and Sunday School though …… I remain unsaved ……. as well as unsavoury …..
Most vicars/priests (whatever) wear frocks don’t they? I’ve seen lots of them wafting about in floor length gowns with lovely lacy bits and very pretty embroidery…
I think there’s a difference between an approved frock and a little black number. The clergy should never go strapless in my humble opinion ……
I’ve heard about these Trojans,
So I didn’t read this post,
Apparently when opened,
They turn your files to toast.
I didn’t scan the comments,
To be safe and sound,
The last few days
They seemed quite crazed,
There’s something going around!
I’ve heard about this malware,
So I left the blog quite alone,
I’m bound to be back,
To read some more cack,
I’m sure you’re a spyware-free zone.
Excellent prose young GW ….. I see your brain is firing on all four cylinders …… truly a wizard of great gitness ……..
Whatsa wrong with the church? Trying to bra everyone who is just a little bit different.I bet he stole off when the bishop came to visit. Probably singing “Who’s sari now?” That would have been before he joined the local town criers as a shock frock.
If everyone was bra-ed the world would be a better place Archie …… shall we take a stand?
you know whats inside a trojan hearse?
dead soldiers
http://img.timeinc.net/time/daily/2008/0807/france_booze_0716.jpg
That’s a very interesting picture Nooter ….. where did you find it?
oh thats my bedroom after a party
wooooooo!
NOOTER!!!! – do you imbibe!!!! …. that’s most distressing …….
These shoes that the Rev was so fond of, were they these by any chance?
http://typophile.com/node/56409
That’s a font question ….. I think we need Diane ….. she knows everything ………
The whole thing sounds vaguely familiar… perhaps I saw it re-enacted on an episode of Benny Hill… Or not… my forgetter is getting better these days.
I’m going to try and work “my forgetter is getting better” into conversation today – excellent!
Was the incident of the Rev’s final escape the origin of the phrase ‘coffin dodgers’ ?
That’s a good historical point GW. There could be a further progression that applied to the lucky few – the Jammy Dodgers …….. the development of language is fascinating ……