Lo, she is a terrible Goddess insists that I let my deodorant dry before I put a shirt on.
One lovely warm morning last week I had decided to dry my armpits in the garden: I was wandering around admiring the plants whilst flapping my arms – looking a bit like a vulture that was trying to take-off after a particularly heavy lunch – slightly embarrassing actually.
I suddenly noticed that Aloe Vera was staring at me from her garden. Pretending I hadn’t seen her I immediately stiffened my arms and started re-enacting a scene from the Battle of Britain, swooping round the garden and going “rat-tat-tat” at appropriate intervals. This achieved two things – my armpits were still being dried and I didn’t look like an idiot.
I kept glancing over to see if she was still there and eventually, feeling rather tired, I had to come up with a cunning plan so I could go indoors and finish dressing.
Suddenly I knew how to get out of this rather awkward situation.
I yelled “THUNDERBIRDS ARE STOP!!!!!” and, at the same time, I seamlessly changed my impression of a Spitfire into Thunderbird 1 coming into land. I glided smoothly through the patio doors and out of sight – brilliant!
The TG spotted me as I came in.
“You’re looking rather sweaty Peabrain. You’d better have another shower …… and don’t forget to put on some more deodorant.”
The best laid plans of mice and men ………
.
(On a totally unrelated subject, does anyone know how to remove stiff deodorant stains from shirts? Lo,TG Ed)
.
Match of the Day
.
Stumble It!
10 Comments
Now I HAVE to see video evidence of you doing your best fighter plane simulation. And your slightly unorthodox underarm-drying method.
On another note, have you tried tawas? It’s a kind of deodorant we use here that doesn’t stain clothes, doesn’t have an odor, and doesn’t darken the armpits. I think they sell it in London too (a friend of mine saw them there).
http://hubpages.com/hub/Tawas
I use stuff that’s “black dress friendly” …… doesn’t seem that fond of white shirts though ….. clotheist b*****d!
Brilliant quick thinking there DP, you’re obviously a morning person. Next time, instead of flapping, you could try whirling your arms. That way, if Aloe Vera spots you, you could simply say you’re auditioning for a part as a Mississippi paddle steamer.
Why didn’t I think of that ….. doh! ….. all that kerfuffle could have been avoided …..
Next time you’re doing a Thunderbirds re-enactment could you video it as Lizza suggests?
Perhaps Frac could take the part of Lady Penelope.
@ Lo,TG – Scissors.
Ahhhh Lady Penelope …. *wistful sigh*
Ok… if I must… but I’m more of a ‘Bond‘ than a Penelope, so I’ll do it so long as it’s only a temporary role… and so long as I get my own dressing room trailer… bottled Canadian mountain spring water… fresh asparagus, raspberries and greek yogurt (to put the berries in of course)… a feather pillow… air conditioning (or a young lad to fan me at all times with palm fronds)…
…oh… and TWO flip-flops to keep my tender tootsies from too much wear whilst
loungingrehearsing lines in the trailer.GASP. This is a plot worthy of some real secret-agent-type gizmos. I’ll have to check in with M and see if there is some new-fangled contraption to appropriately deal with spies who wear boxes and allow their websites to display my link as links back to their own site. I mean… there’s NO way I made a mistake pasting the address in… no… it has to be something devious underway here… most certainly… definitely.
People… I warn you. Use this site at your own risk.
I’ve noted your demands my little diva ….. of, course I’ll have to have them written down in triplicate and witnessed by a witness ….. and you did muck up your link …… I’ve just checked …. tee hee
Witnessed by a witness? It’s quite the waste of time to use such wordy phrases, DP. We fracretaries use shorthand so as to be more productive and save our employers from unnecessary expense. I’ll prepare that triplicate copy of the requests… (witnessed by a twit of course – see how that used fewer characters?) and leave it on your desk.
Thanks ….. and if you could check the biscuit barrel as well …….. I’m off down the pub …. or bed ….. whichever is nearer …..
Scissors GW? A bit extreme. Still… oh sorry, you meant the shirt!
Very funny ….. ha ha
Lo, I think you may have just invented a new branch of cosmetic surgery, i’ll write to The Lancet immediately.
Yes, I’d pay a subscription fee to see that!
I’m surrounded by traitors ……
Maybe you should try wearing a black dress….
I’ve tried that ….. a tad draughty ……. although I did look rather nifty …..
thunderbirds? forget that. “The Interpretive Dance of the Dying Butterfly”, oh and lose the trousers… Aloe will be gone before you get through the third wing flap.
I have pranced sans trousers – Aloe’s eyes just come out on stalks and she appears stricken …….
Oh deodorant. I could go on and on about this subject, but I don’t think this is the place for the rant. In fact, maybe I will be inspired towrite on that subject over on my own blog.
Meanwhile, don’t ask me for advice in re deodorant, there is none of that in this house so I know nothing.
I would have loved to see your Spitfire imitation, but I think daisyfae is probably on something; when people are staring at you when you are doing things in your very own garden, they deserve whatever sort of shock you care to give them. . .
I had no idea that this was a contentious subject ….. oh dear.
Oh daddyp, I believe everything can be a contentious subject, given a chance!
You haven’t just had a new hair-do I didn’t notice have you? …….. tee hee
gosh is it only Tuesday!!!… Blimey retirement is ace when you can play Thunderbirds all day …
[my stiff deodorant stain tip I'm afraid is to bin it and buy a new one ..... ]
I’m not made of money you know ……
The staff at Papersurfer Ink will attest to that fraccy sis! He is definitely not made of money…
(See how I ’stick up’ for you DP… my loyalty knows no bounds!)
Dear Frac … just as well really he would blow away with all that wind!!!
*shakes head in disbelief …… and to make sure it’s still attached*
So true sis, so true.
“my armpits were still being dried and I didn’t look like an idiot.”
Whew. Good thing you didn’t get caught looking like an idiot! It’s very important for heads of big corporations to not get caught looking like an idiot. Some folks could learn from the example you’ve set (as head of Papersurfer Ink)…
I am very careful to preserve my image and my dignity ………. I owe it to my staff …… and the people who work for me as well …..
Lol! foiled again! XD
I can never win ….. I should have realised that by now ……
Hahhaha… keep trying! XDDD
There might come a day you won’t be bested. x3