In the supermarket the other day I was quietly weighing the frozen peas to make sure I got the fullest pack they had when I was suddenly aware that a woman whose bosom looked like the love child of the Atlas mountains and the continental shelf was walking down the aisle towards me seeming determined to take my eye out. Luckily at the last minute, she hung a right, taking out a display of tinned tuna instead, and disappeared down aisle 13.
I returned to the business in hand; there was no way I’d let the supermarket rip me off. I made my selection. I reckoned I had gained at least three peas. Feeling rather pleased with myself I put my handy pocket scales back in my cardigan.
I wandered round to aisle 13 as I was in need of some mascara and hair extensions.
I was greeted by a rather terrifying sight. The lady with the ginormous bazooms had had a garment failure and her embonpoint had poured from her undercarriage, pinning a young chap to the floor. Realising he was having difficulty breathing I ran to his aid and grabbing hold of his hair I managed to pull him free from his soft yet surprisingly heavy captors.
As the woman rearranged herself with the aid of some Duck tape and three carrier bags, the young boy whispered in my ear.
“I had other plans for when I reached puberty, but I think I might have to go down the gay route now.”
I patted him on the shoulder and explained he might not have a choice.
I’m not sure he believed me.
.
(You should have gone back for the hair extensions, Peabrain – there’s a definite pale patch. Lo,TG Ed)
Stumble It!
7 Comments
*speechless*
*Begins retirement*
I want to know how you sneaked this one out under TG’s eagle eye (especially since her op!) Her ‘good taste’ alert is usually impeccable….
I’m not sure ……. shussssssh
*W … T…..??? !!!*
*continues retirement*
Would that retirement be happening in a certain, very useful-type of home?
I vote for the necessity of such an intervention. I’m sure it won’t be permanent… these things tend to happen during the spring… nothing to be alarmed about… possibly… maybe…
Are we having a trip today? Shall I get my coat? ….. and teeth ……… I’ll pay a little visit first …… be back in two shakes ………
Just to be on the safe side, could you make that three?
What now? …… that was ages ago …… sheeesh
Well, I know sometimes age causes these things to take a considerable amount longer than when one is young… so I thought I’d suggest the third shake just in case you weren’t done yet.
The flip side is that age also makes these things happen more frequently… so even if you were done, a little helpful advice for the next time can’t hurt (and would please the maintenance staff at Papersurfer Ink as well, since they do the mopping…)
I’m just always on the job you know…
*FLUSH* …… sorry, what were you saying? ….. I was …….. oh never mind, I’ll catch up later, just gotta go to the …… whoooooosh
Dear Frac I expect after this post TG will be seriously looking at ‘homes for the bewildered’… I would think there are loads of options but am slightly .. no very worried they maybe Norff of the M25!!!
Pigeon pie for supper? …… yummy
….. or a Northern kebab …… 6 meat pies on a broom handle ….. tee hee
DUCK tape?
Having done intense research, one can say “duct” [generic] or “Duck”[branded] ………
it may hold up false boobs but is rubbish on my gutters … just sayin’…
It isn’t meant to be a permanent solution you know …… tsk
as I have realised.. not my boobs btw!!
just tell me no ducks were harmed in the making of this commercial…..
A few feathers got plucked ……. a small price to pay I’d say …….
I dare not say anything in case I make a tit of myself – - -
Very wise young Archie …….. *quiet snigger hoping nobody notices*
personally, i spend my time seeking the chunk of swiss cheese with the smallest volume of holes. you simply can’t trust those folks in the dairy department…
Top tip Daisyfae ……. [and always shake tinned goods - if you can hear anything then reject]
Hmmm, so this is what you notice without eye surgery…
There’s no choice ………
wheres olga when you need her
I’m not sure that Olga could cope quite frankly …..