Chapter 1
“I’m going to cut the hedges!” I announced as I leapt out of bed.
Lo, she is a terrible Goddess feigned indifference and continued dusting her photograph of David Essex.
I showered immediately with only a twinge of regret that I’d forgotten to take off my pyjamas – they needed washing anyway. I dressed and then broke my fast [and a mug but I managed to hide it behind the toaster before the TG noticed as she was still elegantly drooling with the aid of a lace handkerchief].
I wandered into the garden at a nimble amble and said good morning to Stumpy …
…… a slow worm easily recognisable as he lost the tip of his tail last year.
I found the hedge-trimmer and a pair of ladders and started topiarying like Michaelangelo on Prozac.
I stopped briefly when I noticed that Aloe Vera’s plums were almost ready for picking on the other side of the hedge and made a mental note to scrump them later in the day while she was having her afternoon snooze.
I completed the work by lunchtime and cleared up to the satisfaction of the TG who seemed to be in a very benign mood: she was actually humming “Hold Me Close” and asked me if I’d ever considered having my ears pierced. I pretended I hadn’t heard her as I didn’t know what she meant exactly and wondered if she was about to scream.
I settled down to read my “101 Tips on Grouting” manual, a marvellous tome for the semi-experienced grouter and discovered that my reading glasses, which I habitually hook into the top of my t-shirt when not in use, were MISSING ………..
[To be concluded tomorrow]
(Send me some oxygen someone – I’m about to faint with suspense. LO,TG Ed)
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Match of the Day
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Stumble It!
10 Comments
Do you have the details for that grouting manual? Sounds gripping…
Are you semi-experienced? ….. it isn’t for the amateur you know …….
I have become an Amateur Voter(Advanced!) -is that getting close?
Have I been to Specsavers and the dentist as well as the blue (green) rinse parlour?
Hello Gladys!!! – small world! … those Eastbourne beauty parlours really are on the cutting edge aren’t they?
DP you are psychic! The hairdressing establishment is indeed called The Cutting Edge. Appointment tomorrow at 9.00am. You haven’t been staying in Eastbourne have you?
Lived in Sovereign Harbour for nearly 2 years and have known Pevensey Bay all my life ……..
I seem to have slipped off the page on to Jamie’s. Takes years of practice you know to be this thick! So, sorry! Back to Eastbourne. Since your comment arrived the wind is dying down and the sun is doing it’s best to break through. I can tell this because now my laptop is being more speedy. It doesn’t like the rain. Any more than does my hair. Someone should invent an alarm signal that let’s me know that rain/mist/damp is in the vicinity then I can pop a plastic bag on my head.
Oh good – that means the sun is coming this way. I can see the Royal Sovereign from the cliff top and all the hot air is coming from that direction ….. *tries to keep a straight face*
Does that hot stuff match represent TG?
No ….. she doesn’t wear pointy high heels ….. which my ankles are extremely grateful for …….
This is sounding like a ‘Once A Pun a Time’, I’m trying to guess the punchline….err, David Essex, worm, plums……
I fear you are going to be sadly disappointed …… which, of course, shows my cunning plan is working … tee hee
this might work better as a micronovel. do you have any bugs in your beard?
B****y H***, Daisy – don’t suggest MORE ways for him to spout endless drivel.
Ignore the TG Daisy [did I just actually say that!!!?! - blimey] – the more ideas the betterer …….
Could always relocate the loose tailed worm on LoTG’s desk…teacup…pencil caddy.
He can still put on a turn of speed …… I could set traps I suppose ……
But if he got snagged by one and got cut further, would his speed decrease? Could end up with a bodyless wormman on LoTG’s desk, smiling up at her in the morning.
Tricky call ….. he would be lighter but would obviously have less legs ……. I’ll experiment ….
I’ve been flip-flopping between a book on coding html and one on concrete and foundation work. Probably a bad idea to mix the two… I got confused and added some portland cement to my keyboard. Good thing the Mac is durable. Anyway… I hope your glasses are intact, your grout lines are straight and David Essex streaks the cliff tops.
I’ve been using cement for many years now as make-up – I’m having to increase to dose now of course ….
Did it rain when you were here? Went to The Cutting Edge, spent a fortune and great deal of time only to get rained upon -again and again and again. Very boring, very frizzy!
It never rains in Eastbourne …… does it? …. and it’s never ever windy ……
If you have any spare cement, may please have some?
Super glue works as well …..
Health and Safety – young children. Will Pritt stick do?
Yes …. and Tippex helps to cover the grey ….. tee hee
Think the hot air must have arrived on your cliff top. Back in my fleece! Pardon the waffle. I am deprived of adult conversation/debate/argument/chatter/prattle etc. but thank you for reminding me that I have to Tippex a child’s Time Sheet!
Tsk …..
It definitely was a Tsk but all legal now!
Where’s your sidebar clock?
In my sidebar …… *scratches head and digs yet another gingernut from the bowels of the biscuit tin*
It wasn’t there last time I looked but it is now! Humph!
I loved Humphrey Lyttleton ….. met him once which was delightful ……
Two things! Have you eaten Aloe Vera’s plums and have you found your specs? Could they have dropped into Aloe Vera’s garden whilst you were scrumping aforementioned plums?
To find the answers to these very important questions just turn the page …… [clicking facility near the top - same title - different load of old rubbish!]
Thank you!
You’re very welcome ……