Category Archives: Short stories

A DAY IN THE LIFE.

Lo, she is a terrible Goddess had an appointment at the hairdressers so I took the opportunity to pop into The Twisted Gusset for my usual half a lager with a sherry chaser.

I was greeted by Irene.

“Where’s Lo?”

“Oh, she’s at the hairdressers.”

“They’re very good you know. I had some highlights done there just the other [...]

THE WINTER BUG

Jasper took one last look at the jumble of 1’s and 0’s and then pressed ‘send’. The effect spread incredibly rapidly. Computers all over the world started to resemble a recently agitated snow globe. Even Smart phones were affected. Gradually the snow settled and screens filled up and turned completely white – except Jasper’s.
Over the [...]

NOVEL OPENING LINES

It was a dark and stormy night … no that’s been done … oh I know … The hemispheres of her breasts quivered in eager anticipation of his male hardness .. . no … not novel enough … erm … this is quite tricky … *thinks* … *thinks [hardly]* … *thinks [again]* … *thinks [feeling [...]

IT ISN’T ONLY CROCODILES THAT SNAP

Professor Marigolds is often seen striding through the village wearing robust tweeds with her glasses perched on the end of her nose.
She’s retired now of course, but not so long ago she was a well respected scientist working for the War Office, concentrating on the theory that flavoured crisps could be used as a chemical [...]

THINK BIG!

I’ve built the mountain and now I’ve almost finished constructing the babbling brook that cascades down its’ craggy sides, flows across the pampas and gently drops into the lake [which I dug out by hand] that the goldfish call home.

This is a photo of one of our neighbours enjoying the fruits of my labour.
Her name [...]

THE NINJA SHOPPER – Conclusion

Avid Readers, you will remember I was last seen being frogmarched into the security officer’s lair. I won’t go into the details. Suffice it to say that after a very rigorous search of the bags and an all-embracing search of my person the phantom bottle was not found.
The security man scratched his head.
“This has never [...]

THE NINJA SHOPPER – PART TWO

Avid Readers, I may have seemed a tad casual as I prepared to tuck away the receipt, however, with the faint echo of the TG’s voice ringing gently in my ear I decided to check to make sure I’d been awarded the 55p rebate due for the gingernut ‘bulk buy’. Yes. No problems, thank goodness. [...]

THE NINJA SHOPPER – PART ONE

Although it was raining hard Lo, she is a terrible Goddess insisted suggested that I went shopping – votive offerings were running low.
I had to park quite a way from the supermarket so by the time I had managed to find a trolley, find that I’d left the £1 coin needed to release it from [...]

LOG – STARSHIP GRANNY SMITH

Stardate – 1.1.2666
The plan has worked! The last human Adam Ching Xu has died – Earth is ours to play with again. We must do better this time. They knew they’d got it wrong but refused to change. We had to clear the playing field without resorting to total destruction.
Our cunning plan to give Apple [...]

PART ONE

With a heavy heart he loaded the shopping into the back of the car and slammed the tailgate shut.
He clambered rather awkwardly into the driving seat and just sat there staring out of the grubby windscreen.
He decided the best thing to do was to go to the nearest A&E.
If only he hadn’t wandered down aisle [...]