Category Archives: poems

IN DENIAL

I’m really not a show-off and have never been, I didn’t scream in my pram, making quite a scene, I didn’t wear high heels on the day I turned fifteen Or go to my first party in a shirt made up from beans. And on the interweave, I never ever flirt, Or sit blogging on […]

SMALL TALK

Oh hello, you look divine …. how are the boys? ….. did they build that shrine? I’m not too sure – is this one mine? …. yes, I used the Northern line …. Did you hear about Uncle Lime? ….. and then the incident with sisal twine …. No, he’s fine ….. [that doorway’s crooked, […]

SOME VERY GOOD ADVICE ….

……. although you probably won’t take any notice [sometimes I wonder why I bother]. (Nooo, surely not. Lo,TG Ed) There’s nothing like a grumble to really lift your mood, Express yourself out loud, it’s awfully bad to brood “Your skirt is way way way too short, it’s very very rude, Your ideas on elegance are […]

MY MOTHER-IN-LAW

Avid readers might have noticed that I have rarely mentioned my mother-in-law. There is a simple reason for this. She would need a post as long as War and Peace [and would probably have a similar title]. Anyway she did teach me a couple of things that have been very useful in helping me get […]

THE LEAPFROG OF LIFE

There are times, and at different ages, When children go through all those stages Of  sounding like they’re your begetters, Trying to be the ones who fetter. When they’re young it’s accidental Treating you as though you’re mental But when they hit their middle age They often don the role of ‘sage’ Which I always […]

THE MYSTERY THAT IS WOMAN

Just a few words can change status dramatically From ‘dear heart’ To ‘fat old fart’ A way of confusing me quite systematically. If only someone would, and I’d thank them ecstatically, Help me just grasp Before my last gasp The answer to ‘hair?’ ‘bum?’ ‘dress?’ diplomatically. . (Yawwwwn, still, quite a nice little pome. Lo,TG […]

A MENAGERIE OF DITTIES

Henry A dragon named Henry was macho all day, But at night with his drag on he was terribly gay. [DP] The Caterpillar I am a caterpillar It really is a farce I climb up into the trees And slide down on my hands and knees. [anon] A Sticky Situation I am a little worm […]

ICKLE THINGS PLEASE ICKLE MINDS

My ickle fish in their ickle pond have such an idyllic time Then their ickle brains go all-a-whir, “It really is a crime – He knows that we get so hungry – it MUST be dinner time. Just an ickle snack of loveliness would keep us in our prime.” “He could I s’pose provide a […]

THERE’S A BUZZ GOING ROUND

It’s lovely sitting in the garden on a summer’s day A little pleasure a little leisure Watching nature play. But then a creature buzzes round above your balding pate You wave your hands around your strands It really starts to grate. And then…  a sudden silence and all you do is wait For the pain […]

A REFLECTIVE POEM

At a certain age an odd thing happens when you pass a mirror Well really two things happen which is even queerer The reflection is a stranger which is really out of whack And the mirror at that moment develops a large crack. . Match of the Day . (He’s been lighting the wrong sort […]