Category Archives: poems

THE SWINGER

The penis maintained it could stand on it’s head. When it’s owner turned over, asleep on the bed, He moved back and forth His feet settled North – What metal, what bearing, a true thoroughbred!  (I refuse to comment on any of the assertions in this post. Lo,TG Ed) .

ARCHITECTURAL CRITICISM

In my humble opinion a weapon of mass destruction Should only really be considered if talking ‘crass construction’ Buildings from the 60’s make me heave and sigh I would reach for the button and blow them all sky high. . (But Peabrain, some of them have been ‘listed’, they must be beautiful, if only to […]

SO FAREE SO GOOD

I think that rhino saw us! That giraffe had such a laugh Those gnus g-know you know Those hippos need a bath The drivel is quite endless When trucking o’er the plain I saw a zebra crossing! Help!! I think I’ll go insane. .

DOGGEREL

There’s nothing worse than comic verse That doesn’t rhyme or scan. Welcome to my world Because it’s something that keeps happening all the time. . (I’m supposed to edit this? Lo,TG Ed) . [Happy New Year for tomorrow everyone …..although quite frankly I don’t hold out much hope myself] [[Due to being nagged popular demand […]

PARTNERS

“Oh deary deary me” the glove puppet said “Without that hand inside me I might as well be dead.” .

DIFFICULT CHOICES

If I had eyes in the back of my head I’d have to sleep on my front when in bed So perhaps I’ll plump, [Because of my hump] To have them where my ears are instead. . (Learning to open the ones you’ve got would be a start. LoTG Ed)

IN THE HANDS OF A PRO

“Open wide” the dentist said “I’m just going to have a poke” Slightly worried I replied, “Argh argh argh argh argh ARGH!’ .

THE YEARLY MIRACLE

Every year about this time, And it happens over night, Trousers which fitted perfectly Suddenly become too tight. .

DP’S SUPPORT SERVICE

The brassiere is a wondrous thing A technical delight Without the bra the wobbly bits Could easily take flight. . Match of the Day .

ODD BEDFELLOWS

One piece of advice that I think you’ll find handy, A gem for your very own modus op’randi, It’s something I learnt the hard way when young, When trying to sleep on a bed trés well sprung. Having surmised I was missing a pillow I decided to use a young armadillo, But then every time […]