Category Archives: poems

I’M ON HOLIDAY

The palm trees sway or is it me? I’ve had a brandy or is it three? I should have stuck to Earl Grey tea Gotta go I need to pee.

YOU JUST HAVE TO LIVE THERE TO LOOK INBRED

There was a young man of Cabril Whose brain was the size of a pill His eyes they were wonky He looked like a donkey And people who met him felt ill.

VIRTUAL VERSUS REAL

I’ve stapled a copy of this piccy to my forehead to try and stop Lo, she is a terrible Goddess and Tiggz making fun of me when I play Angry Birds on the iPod Touch. It hasn’t worked. Angry Birds Angry Birds don’t do turds Virtual poo is just absurd Unless you count the words […]

WHAT A RELIEF

The seat is lifted My position shifted My mind not drifted Ahhhhhhhhh …… Put it away Hip hip hooray Oh no, halfway Bahhhhhhhh! . (A little more concentration would help. Lo,TGEd)

CRUMBS

Biscuit crumbs get everywhere (Unless consumed with wary care). “NOT IN BED” It is said, With force and such a weary glare. [I’ve just read this out to Lo, she is a terrible Goddess who proceeded to demonstrate that particular look. I’m now in a state of abject fear and cannot continue. This is probably […]

THE FULL LENGTH MIRROR [or designers on my hit list …. or built by design]

Ah there he stands in all his glory Every feature a named sob story Hair by Finery Nature, Whinery Eyes enhanced by the House of Gory. The mouth and teeth by Oral Cavity The lower portions through Depravity Skin by Wrinkled Willy, Sprinkled The look enhanced by Bloody Gravity. .

SWINGS AND ROUNDABOUTS

There comes a time when your chest descends And settles on your waist And hair from head starts to disappear With an unseemly haste But patiently wait for a day or two There’s really nowt to fear For up they sprout from nose and ears And knees and chest and rear. And about this time, […]

OH, HOW WE SUFFER!!!

At the slightest sniffle, the first ‘Atchoo’ Straight to bed, announcing “’Flu!” Being brave So near the grave “Just some tea – I can hardly chew Oh and if it’s poss, my dearest dear, A little broth, not hot, and clear, A slice of bread Before I’m dead Would definitely bring some cheer.” Forehead wiped […]

OPEN GARDEN

I’ve been working hard to create a lovely area in a corner of the garden especially for goddesses to enjoy: soft pastel colours, sweet scents and a feeling of tranquillity. I wanted to share it with the village, and so I put an advertisement in the local Parish magazine in the form of a poem, […]

BOTTOMS UP!

I was walking down the lane last week And spied upon the ground A banana skin just lying there Which I failed to go around. I was mesmerised and couldn’t stop From treading on the skin And proved that tales ‘bout slipping Are true, to my chagrin. I tumbled over and fell in the ditch […]