Category Archives: poems

BLINKERS

People distress me who are pressed and compressed No matter what their age So pray don’t depress me, please be progressed So says this silly old sage. . . . . .

JACK AND JILL …

… a risk assessment. Jack and Jill went up the hill (already I have an impending sense of disaster. How steep is the hill? Has it been checked for trip hazards? Are there any paedophiles in the area?) To fetch a pail of water. (Oh dear. Has the pail been sanitised? How heavy is it […]

SOCIAL MEDIA

(Sex, drugs and rock and troll) Good and bad Happy and sad Commotions, devotions Silly emoticons Twitter tried And Facebook fried Adored, deplored (Worst of all ignored!) Whatever you say It’s here to stay.

PANTS!

I’m just popping out, I’m not going far, I wonder where my car keys are? Beside the bed? Inside the shed? I’m finding all this very bizarre. This is going to drive me quite mad, Today is beginning to go real bad – Now I’ve looked by the sink And I’m starting to think I’ll […]

Georgina Smythe

I avoid Georgina at number 20, Although she’s a member of the cognoscenti And she’s interesting and likes to rabbit, Conversation’s hampered by her painful habit. Points are made with her walking cane With prods and pokes that all cause pain, And if she’s in the mood ‘irate’ Survival depends on armour plate. So I […]

ANNA PHYLACTIC

Here’s a poem I wrote ages ago. I thought it deserved another outing. Anna Phylactic liked to give shocks Wore on one ear a brightly striped sock Her singular hair she dyed a warm pink Rubber plunger on breasticle [think sink]. She plaited her toes and removed all her nails Dressed in a kilt and […]

GETTING TO THE BOTTOM OF IDOLATRY

Going shopping and whilst hopping, She spied her own reflection. She checked her bum, oh this is fun. She gazed with much affection. “Avast behind!” broke her peace of mind, She glared in all directions, Then saw the source, oh yes, of course! A pirate of fair complexion. She began to flirt and twirled her […]

A PAIR OF DITTIES

CONTRARIETY Hidden away in a secret valley somehow keeping warm Developing and controlling the uncontrollable brain storm Safely separate from all the peeps and content to be alone Yet placing very carefully the makings of stepping stones. WHEN TO CAST A CLOUT There are signs that the season of hibernation is coming to an end […]

I DISLIKE THE WORD CUTE

The Upper Crusted and Crested Newt Is the epitome of ghastly cute He wears a ruff Partakes of snuff And turns sideways through doorways when playing the flute. (We’re snowed in and beginning to suffer from cabin fever hence the awful poem. It’s been like this for literally hours now.)

IT’S THAT TIME OF YEAR … AGAIN

46 years of too much bliss Many laughs with hardly a hiss A burning tea bag What a wag Pucker up now for a sloppy kiss Lo, she is a terrible Goddess must be the unluckiest woman on the planet.