Avid readers might have noticed that I have rarely mentioned my mother-in-law.
There is a simple reason for this. She would need a post as long as War and Peace [and would probably have a similar title].
Anyway she did teach me a couple of things that have been very useful in helping me get through life [...]
There are times, and at different ages,
When children go through all those stages
Of sounding like they’re your begetters,
Trying to be the ones who fetter.
When they’re young it’s accidental
Treating you as though you’re mental
But when they hit their middle age
They often don the role of ‘sage’
Which I always find quite funny
When I recall the noses [runny]
All [...]
Just a few words can change status dramatically
From ‘dear heart’
To ‘fat old fart’
A way of confusing me quite systematically.
If only someone would, and I’d thank them ecstatically,
Help me just grasp
Before my last gasp
The answer to ‘hair?’ ‘bum?’ ‘dress?’ diplomatically.
.
(Yawwwwn, still, quite a nice little pome. Lo,TG Ed)
Match of the Day
.
(Why has he got a fishes’ [...]
Henry
A dragon named Henry was macho all day,
But at night with his drag on he was terribly gay. [DP]
The Caterpillar
I am a caterpillar
It really is a farce
I climb up into the trees
And slide down on my hands and knees. [anon]
A Sticky Situation
I am a little worm
It’s really very funny
I climb into a honey pot
And get [...]
My ickle fish in their ickle pond have such an idyllic time
Then their ickle brains go all-a-whir, “It really is a crime -
He knows that we get so hungry – it MUST be dinner time.
Just an ickle snack of loveliness would keep us in our prime.”
“He could I s’pose provide a bell that we could [...]
It’s lovely sitting in the garden on a summer’s day
A little pleasure a little leisure
Watching nature play.
But then a creature buzzes round above your balding pate
You wave your hands around your strands
It really starts to grate.
And then… a sudden silence and all you do is wait
For the pain so near your brain -
You get in [...]
At a certain age an odd thing happens when you pass a mirror
Well really two things happen which is even queerer
The reflection is a stranger which is really out of whack
And the mirror at that moment develops a large crack.
.
Match of the Day
.
(He’s been lighting the wrong sort of candle. Lo,TG Ed)
When you fill this up with water then pour it out again
The air trapped in the tail makes it gurgle like a drain
It’s always made me laugh, from child to grumpy man
I’m going to fill it up again! I must be Peter Pan.
.
Match of the Day
.
Gluteus Maximus – a useful chap to have at a cocktail party
The top of his bum makes a very good table
But not when he’s being farty.
So if you send him an invitation don’t be in a great big hurry
Check what’s he’s eaten and keep very quiet
If he’s eaten baked beans or curry.
.
(Must be a relative [...]
Adaptable Dan thought that he was a man, with all of the bits and the bobs,
But posing in front of the mirror one day he noticed that something was odd:
Where things used to be there was nothing to see – just smooth skin and one tiny hair,
He thought they had travelled, and so he examined, [...]
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