Category Archives: History lessons

MY VISION FOR THE FUTURE.

Humans have been around for the blink of an eye. It’s highly likely that during the next blink we will become extinct. Perhaps crocodiles and cockroaches will survive and, in the fullness of time, work out how to breed. The result might look like the alien from Aliens. A few, by which I mean loads, […]

THE GRAVITY OF THE SITUATION.

I’m fed up with all the nonsense spouted about the origins of the universe so I’ve decided to get it all down here in writing to put an end to the endless waffling. Ok, it’s all quite simples innit. Nobody seems to know what gravity is exactly (I do though *looks smug*) and yet them […]

HOW THE DODO WAS NAMED.

The dodo wasn’t actually named until the breed was extinguished from the face of the earth. The last dodo that existed was kept as a pet and had been taught to talk by it’s owners. At Christmas time they used to dress it up to add to the fun when it recited ‘The Owl and […]

COLLECTIVE NOUNS

I’ve been trying to come up with a collective noun for all those annoying people in the media* who like to be known as ‘journalists’. I have had some success after failing with ‘smug’, an ‘opinion’ and a ‘oh dear my head is stuffed up my own arse’ of journalists. The end result? – A […]

THE EVOLUTION OF THE SELFIE

Parmigianino 1524 Rembrandt 1630 Escher 1935 . Kardashian 2014 It would appear to my untrained eye that evolution has recently stabbed itself reverse and is careering backwards at a rate of knots. .

JACK AND JILL …

… a risk assessment. Jack and Jill went up the hill (already I have an impending sense of disaster. How steep is the hill? Has it been checked for trip hazards? Are there any paedophiles in the area?) To fetch a pail of water. (Oh dear. Has the pail been sanitised? How heavy is it […]

ASPIDISTRA POLISHING

The art of Aspidistra Polishing is shrouded in mystery. My mother was admitted into the AP Club at an early age. She rose in the ranks very quickly and attained the accolade of Chief Aspidistra Polisher before her teens. She tried to pass these skills on but my brother and I were poor students. As […]

Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec

Born this day in 1864. The Medical Inspection at the Rue des Moulins Brothel (1894) He had a short but very productive and interesting life.

EXHIBIT SEVEN

The history of the mobile phone continues. Not that many years ago the only word that man and womankind managed to utter was “Ugh”. Even then womankind complained that it wasn’t what he said, it was the way he said it. It was a very tricky time for effective communication. The main way of transmitting […]

THE FORGOTTEN HOBBIT

When Tolkien removed all  mention of Floppy Baggins  from the Lord of the Rings he became the forgotten hobbit. The reasons were never fully explained but I have my suspicions. Floppy Baggins wasn’t very bright, indeed, his last known meaningful synapse coincided with the completion of his potty training – rather like the staff at […]