Author Archives: daddyp

YER REAL PORTUGAL

There’s yer real peeps, left winged with a touch of right and a dose of liberalism, that can only exist in the ‘real’ of whatever country they’ve invaded temporarily.

This is a ‘real’ Portuguese patio.

We’re getting used to it.

.

IT NEVER RAINS IN PORTUGAL

GOOD FRIDAY

The view from the balcony.

THE GRAVITY OF THE SITUATION.

I’m fed up with all the nonsense spouted about the origins of the universe so I’ve decided to get it all down here in writing to put an end to the endless waffling.

Ok, it’s all quite simples innit.

Nobody seems to know what gravity is exactly (I do though *looks smug*) and yet them scientists nerds [...]

SEXTING

(Warning – the following might offend some people)
I was shocked to discover that Grumpy has fallen off the wagon and started sexting again.
I’ve decided, after much thought and soul searching, to ‘show and tell’ in the hope that this disgusting and depraved behavior will stop.
(Another warning – there’s a picture approaching)
(Ok? Ready?)
(Advisory note – best [...]

A SHORT PLAY ‘Palpitation Fiction’

(The curtain opens to reveal Daddy Papersurfer asleep on a sofa)
(Uma Thurman dressed as Mia Wallace from Pulp Fiction enters stage right and starts dancing to “You never can tell” by Chuck Berry)
(DP wakes, stands up and collapses)
(Uma takes a bow and the curtain closes)
(The audience hears a siren)
(A paramedic team rush down an aisle [...]

THE DADDY PAPERSURFER ONE MAN SHOW

“I say I say I say, my dog has no nose. How does he smell? He can’t.
What’s brown and sticky? A pile of poo.
I think I’m a pair of curtains. Go away, you’re mad.
What’s brown, steams and comes out of Cowes? Poo
Knock knock! Who’s there? Little old lady. Little old lady who? Beryl
Two guys walk [...]

A SHORT PLAY ABOUT BANKERS

The main characters are Daddy Papersurfer (DP) and a banker (B)

DP – “I’m trying to find out how banking works.”
B – “OK, fire away.”
DP – “So, if I want to borrow money you charge something like 5% interest?”
B – “Yes.”
DP – “ …and you lend me money that someone else has entrusted to your care [...]

DEATH ANNOUNCEMENT

It is with a heavy heart that I must announce the death
of the Fairlight Eye.

This iconic landmark, which has played such a significant role in making Fairlight, E.Sussex into the must-visit tourist destination status that it enjoys today, was destroyed by heavy winds last night.

In my role as ninja sculpture doctor (untrained with no qualifications [...]

ROOM 101

I would like to ban hair to Room 101.

It has an unpredictable mind of it’s own and serves no useful purpose.
As the years meander along the hair on your noddle loses the will to live and the energy that it once spent is redirected to all those secret places where hair lurks. The ears, the [...]