Author Archives: daddyp

THE DADDY PAPERSURFER ONE MAN SHOW

“I say I say I say, my dog has no nose. How does he smell? He can’t.
What’s brown and sticky? A pile of poo.
I think I’m a pair of curtains. Go away, you’re mad.
What’s brown, steams and comes out of Cowes? Poo
Knock knock! Who’s there? Little old lady. Little old lady who? Beryl
Two guys walk [...]

A SHORT PLAY ABOUT BANKERS

The main characters are Daddy Papersurfer (DP) and a banker (B)

DP – “I’m trying to find out how banking works.”
B – “OK, fire away.”
DP – “So, if I want to borrow money you charge something like 5% interest?”
B – “Yes.”
DP – “ …and you lend me money that someone else has entrusted to your care [...]

DEATH ANNOUNCEMENT

It is with a heavy heart that I must announce the death
of the Fairlight Eye.

This iconic landmark, which has played such a significant role in making Fairlight, E.Sussex into the must-visit tourist destination status that it enjoys today, was destroyed by heavy winds last night.

In my role as ninja sculpture doctor (untrained with no qualifications [...]

ROOM 101

I would like to ban hair to Room 101.

It has an unpredictable mind of it’s own and serves no useful purpose.
As the years meander along the hair on your noddle loses the will to live and the energy that it once spent is redirected to all those secret places where hair lurks. The ears, the [...]

THERE WILL BE FIREWORK!

I have invented the ever-lasting and interactive firework!

Imagine the excitement of the family gathered round as this magnificent  invention is hurled into the air and everyone has a wondeful time going “Whooooosh, ahhhhhhhhh, BANG!!!!!”

It can then be picked up, so long as it’s been thrown thoughtfully and carefully of course, and then used again and [...]

A DISSERTATION – THE LAVA LAMP

Over the billions of years that the universe has been floating around there have been a smidge under an infinite number of coincidences that have made this and that. This is all very jolly and extremely groovy.

That is until  these were created in 1963.
Now… if there is a deity or deities in charge then surely [...]

THE SUN IN ALL IT’S GLORY

Even at this time of year the solar panels chuck out quite a lot of electrickery … for about 1/2 an hour a day … when it isn’t cloudy or raining … or snowing.

When these specific conditions happen to collide in celestial harmony we charge round the house turning on the washing machine, the dishwasher, [...]

2015 + 1

The New Year has got off to a cracking start.

So far, I’ve mused on whether windows in trousers would be a commercial proposition, do Inuits have reinforced vests around the nipple areas to allow for ‘perky’ wear and tear and will the bank accept 2015 + 1 as a valid amendment on incorrectly dated cheques.
I [...]

RE-WRITING CHRISTMAS

My story concerns seven brothers from the town of Muzak who get fed up with waiting for seven brides and decide to join a monastery.

After a couple of weeks they all get rather bored, and not wishing to break their vows, form a mime group. They call themselves the Von Trappists.

Their act proves very popular [...]

CHRISTMAS 2015

It’s that time again.

As usual we’ll be celebrating with a refreshing glass of warm water for breakfast, followed by gruel for the main festive meal. The added holly leaves really get us into the holiday mood!

The afternoon is the time for playing games, my favourite being charades where I always carry a sign depicting π [...]