Author Archives: daddyp

TIMES THEY ARE A-CHANGING

An imaginary e-mail from a 12 year old daughter to her Generation X mother.

Hello Mum,

I would talk to you directly but your head always seems to be buried in your smart phone and you never actually hear what I’m [...]

MY VISION FOR THE FUTURE.

Humans have been around for the blink of an eye. It’s highly likely that during the next blink we will become extinct.
Perhaps crocodiles and cockroaches will survive and, in the fullness of time, work out how to breed.
The result might look like the alien from Aliens.

A few, by which [...]

THE BOTTOM OF MY GARDEN

So today, I was sitting in the garden enjoying a G&T when I heard a voice emanating from the public footpath the other side of the hedge – “Is that art?”

I began to feel a tad depressed.

And then I remembered that yesterday, when I was actually on the public footpath looking for feathers, [...]

YER REAL PORTUGAL

There’s yer real peeps, left winged with a touch of right and a dose of liberalism, that can only exist in the ‘real’ of whatever country they’ve invaded temporarily.

This is a ‘real’ Portuguese patio.

We’re getting used to it.

.

IT NEVER RAINS IN PORTUGAL

GOOD FRIDAY

The view from the balcony.

THE GRAVITY OF THE SITUATION.

I’m fed up with all the nonsense spouted about the origins of the universe so I’ve decided to get it all down here in writing to put an end to the endless waffling.

Ok, it’s all quite simples innit.

Nobody seems to know what gravity is exactly (I do though *looks smug*) and yet them scientists nerds [...]

SEXTING

(Warning – the following might offend some people)
I was shocked to discover that Grumpy has fallen off the wagon and started sexting again.
I’ve decided, after much thought and soul searching, to ‘show and tell’ in the hope that this disgusting and depraved behavior will stop.
(Another warning – there’s a picture approaching)
(Ok? Ready?)
(Advisory note – best [...]

A SHORT PLAY ‘Palpitation Fiction’

(The curtain opens to reveal Daddy Papersurfer asleep on a sofa)
(Uma Thurman dressed as Mia Wallace from Pulp Fiction enters stage right and starts dancing to “You never can tell” by Chuck Berry)
(DP wakes, stands up and collapses)
(Uma takes a bow and the curtain closes)
(The audience hears a siren)
(A paramedic team rush down an aisle [...]

THE DADDY PAPERSURFER ONE MAN SHOW

“I say I say I say, my dog has no nose. How does he smell? He can’t.
What’s brown and sticky? A pile of poo.
I think I’m a pair of curtains. Go away, you’re mad.
What’s brown, steams and comes out of Cowes? Poo
Knock knock! Who’s there? Little old lady. Little old lady who? Beryl
Two guys walk [...]