Lo, she is a terrible Goddess, Tiggz, Papersurfer Junior and I have been to a wedding.


(Photo courtesy of Val xxx)

Tango and Penfold have tied the knot!

People from around the world gathered in a winery for the ceremony and then partied on;  way past my usual bedtime. Everything went to plan – it started raining, the bridegroom forget to bring clean undercrackers and had to borrow a pair of my Speedos and the bride was late, which was quite an achievement as she was staying only 30 feet away from the wedding venue. Luckily we were kept entertained while we were waiting by Dick Whittington, a friend of Penfold’s from England, who played his own lovely compositions on the guitar. Personally I would have preferred the Birdie song but I reminded myself that it actually wasn’t ‘my’ day. Tango eventually arrived looking beautiful and managed to negotiate the steep steps that led down to the winery without tripping over THE dress. I think the champagne she’d been quaffing all morning probably helped. The ceremony was brilliant and I’m not ashamed to admit that I leaked a little. (Not an entirely infrequent event, but usually for less socially acceptable reasons. Lo,TG Ed.)

Then we mingled. Then we ate. Then we partied. In the early hours of the next day and at a nod from Penfold I cleared the place by dancing Gangnam Style and we all retired to bed with smiles on our faces.

Of course, I had carefully prepared for the momentous occasion. I felt I needed to do some thorough research into what makes Canadians and Germans tick. Obviously I turned to Wikipedia. Not many people realise that if you scroll right down to the bottom of the page when using Wikipedia there’s a button on the left hand side labelled ‘Kid’s version’ which provides a very useful and succinct précis of the salient points. The entry for Canada just showed a small animated gif showing a Mounty raising his hat and shouting out “BEAVERS!”. The German entry merely said “Don’t mention the war.” I think my research paid off very well and found Tango’s family and friends a delight, apart from… Oh, never mind.
Obviously I knew Penfold’s friends and most of his family, although I hardly saw any of them: I did begin to suspect that they were trying to avoid talking to me. Even my own brother disappeared under a table as I wandered over for a chat but when I lifted the table cloth he was actually inspecting the pedestal for signs of woodworm. He takes a keen interest in anything he can reach easily.

The only downside to the whole lovely affair was the nagging feeling that it might not bode well for me now that there’s an additional member of the coven, particularly when I accidentally hacked into Tango’s computer and spotted a file sitting on her desktop. I double clicked on it. Well I had to really – it was entitled ‘PENFOLD?’ and I thought I might be able to help.
Surprisingly (?) it was a spreadsheet. Loads of very boring calculations with averages, medians and means, flow charts, sums, differential equations etc etc. What did catch my eye though was a very simple graph with the vectors labelled ‘Pros’ and “Cons’. On the ‘pro’ side in said ‘Lo, she is a terrible Goddess,’ and on the ‘con’ side were just two letters … ‘DP’.

(The bride and groom looked  beautiful and handsome respectively – the bride a lily, dressed in a very slender column of silk with tiny silk covered buttons all down the side, which finished in a gently foaming waterfall around her feet, the groom doing a creditable impersonation of Maverick, in a burgundy brocade waistcoat, and a slick black suit. Interesting note: DP & I stayed at Tango & Penfold’s house just before the Event – there was not a crumb of carbohydrate to be seen, nor had there been for several weeks. Note to self – send food parcels. Lo,TG ED.)