Lo, she is a terrible Goddess and I have not been wasting our time since the departure of our guests after the Festive Season.
I was eating some Twiglets and Lo remarked that I seemed to be eating less of them this year. I replied that I was finding them a bit noisy. They are very crisp.
We then had a very long and meaningful discussion wondering how many calories were used up just by listening to something.
So far as we are aware there has been little or no research in this sphere and we are therefore considering applying for a government grant to explore this area. Yes yes, I know most grants are awarded for research that common sense could have told them several years or decades before but we still feel we can make a very good case for receiving copious amounts of dosh.
The method will be to take 100 people and feed them 5 tubs of Twiglets everyday for a month, weighing them every morning and evening. Averaging out the results will compensate for water retention and other variables.
The following month, the 100 guinea pigs will be given 5 tubs of Twiglets everyday that have been soaked in water which will eliminate any crunch and the same procedure taken in weighing them morning and evening.
We believe the results will be quite significant. We also believe that we’ll have to pay the victims study group quite a lot and therefore will require a huge grant, probably in the millions. Twiglets aren’t cheap either.
We strongly suspect the knock-on effect will have scientists trying to develop crispy cod sans batter and brittle bananas in the not too distant future.
I can almost hear a Nobel Prize knocking on the door. Lo, she is a terrible Goddess disagrees.