The Cliff Top Residence
SE England
England
Dear Neighbourhood
I would like to make a suggestion and, if necessary, form a committee, concerning the use of lawn mowers, strimmers, hedge cutters and chainsaws, particularly early in the morning on weekends and Bank Holidays.
My suggestion is that no mechanical or electrical devices are used before 10 am ………. actually perhaps midday might be better …… and certainly not later than 1pm when I start my siesta.
I realise that it is essential to manicure our gardens just in case the Joneses get professionals in to nip and tuck their garden to the last millimetre but we must consider everyone else in the village particularly me and my medical need for sleep.
I do apologise that I don’t join in the 10:32 am start for car washing on a Sunday or the cleaning of the wheelie-bins at 11:08 on a Tuesday but, as I have explained to several of you, I’ve got a really bad attitude.
I’m also reluctant in taking part in curtain twitching but will consider supporting the local Post Office now that they’ve installed a Lottery machine.
However I do believe that action is needed concerning mechanical devices in our gardens and consequently would like to put myself forward as the village vigilante – I have a shot gun license.
Yours sincerely
Daddy Papersurfer
.
Stumble It!
16 Comments
Ahh, the contractors have left then, that JCB was awfully noisy………………..
I’m thinking ‘muffs’ ……….
Ear, Ear!
Give us a lend mate! ……
That’s not a photo of your secretary is it ?
I know she’s been missing for a while, but………………………..
I don’t think so – if it was there’d be icicles I’m sure ……..
Nope, no maple leaf thong.
“Just a thong at twilight” tra-la ……..
Twilight? Are you hooked on that stupid book/movie too? Gee whiz.
I hate thongs. Sorry. If I want to floss there…
lol
I knew that John was mistaken …… thongs are thilly ……. and probably chilly ……
No icicles. Spring has sprung, the grass is riz…
Correction. Spring has sprung, and that damn google car has riz. I’m so fraccing angry about that, you have no idea.
Google = stupid.
I might have to break off the affair I’ve been having with them.
What’s up? What’s a Google car? Can I make you a cuppa?
It’s the car with all the cameras google uses to drive through neighborhoods and photograph all those houses you’ve been looking at on google streets.
It’s in my city and I’m really angry about it.
Oh that car – I saw it in Hastings the other day – blimey it gets around ….. come on, have a cuppa ……..
She’s really angry isn’t she, has she been hanging with DaisyFae ?
DP would like you all to think he finds random, anonymous photos for use, but I have some inside knowledge that the goddess of hedges in the photo is his own handywork.
Those of us at the office who were a bit tired of listening to the clipping sound of his scissors in that back room (it’s just that he plays ABBA at the same time, and has some difficulty keeping the clipping going to the beat of the music and it all gets so distracting for the rest of us…) had asked him to find a hobby, preferably something outside and, well… this was what happened.
We should’ve been a tad more specific about what we meant.
It’s not me GW, he had a clipping out there tacked up to the nearest tree to work off of. I think it was Uma…
Rather talented though, isn’t he? I suppose we always knew it, given the drawings he posts from time to time.
(An aside – I got your mail. Sorry to be tardy in replying. Been rather tied up with some urgent family things…)
[tardiness is next to godliness .... so I'm told]
Anyway, my clippings are always very innocent and done “in the best possible taste” – next time I shall have a go at a porn ….. I mean ‘pawn’ or possible a ‘prawn’ ….. the world is my oyster …. an “OYSTER”!!!! – brilliant!
My first move in chess is always with a porn, sorry pawn………………………
I always knock the whole lot over and declare a draw!
Ahh, that’s the famous Eastsussexian DP Gambit, if I remember rightly……………
One day I’ll get someone to write a book ……
but you must keep your bush trimmed ….. & obviously the weekend is the ideal time to do it at a leisurely/relaxed pace … you can’t rush these things you know… I can see you have though looking at ‘er hair above
….. but I need peace and quiet to ponder and cogitate …… it isn’t much to ask …… is it? *whimper*
[please note that I've made no comment about 'bushes' and 'Brazilian rain forests' - I am soooooo grown-up now]
I could swap you for your lawn mower sounds ….’trance trax’ noise from my ‘loverly’ boy neighbours [saying that they have been thankfully very silent this Easter !!]
[Anyway gawd blimey ... I'll go to the bottom of our stairs .....when did that happen..?? How did I miss it? Did I blink or summut?]
I’m just waiting for Aloe Vera to get into ‘drum an bass’ – all I’ve vaguely heard so far is a bit of Dean Martin – I’m not sure which bit though …..
I like a bit of trance and drum’n'bass……….Mmmm ?…………. OK, i’ll get my coat…………
I’ll fetch it for you ……. tee hee
rofl 70s… he must keep his bush trimmed…
As fanzine editor, you seem to have to deal with some things that even I never do. I really think you should get an increase in your salary. I’d give mine to you… if I got one.
hi dear Frac
I have a very large blindfold and gardeners gloves … so far so good I am unscathed lol
I’d just like to say it’s a bit draughty in here …. I hope my ……. nose …… doesn’t start running …
It is because you have been playing commando in the cupboard !! lol
It is nice to see you have been beavering away in your hedge.
Standards drop soooo easily round here – tee hee
Standards? Were there any? I didn’t get that memo.. was I supposed to have posted some standards?
Oh. Maybe that’s what happened.
So sorry DP. I guess it’s all my fault.
I do try and keep them just above gutter level if at all possible ……..
I’m not going to make any juvenile comment, but i’m sure I saw her on the gardening porn web-site recently…………..
Was she doing an advert for the Army Fire Engine Service BTW, ie: Green Goddess ?
Didn’t the Green Goddess used to keep us fit in the mornings or is my mind wandering again? …….
I vaguely remember that, i’ll just go off to YouTube and check………………………………
Mmmmm, there’s some very strange stuff over on YouTube.
Including a video called ‘How-to-make-a-Green-G0ddess-Juice’.
I’m sayin nubbin………………
What on earth did you put into your search engine!!!!?! ….. no, don’t tell me ……
I’m sure your neighbors must love you!
Luckily I’m very sexy [love your post about .... oh never mind - tee hee]
Aha the strange habit that my neighbours have of wheelie bin washing on a Tuesday has spread down south!
What a sad pastime!!!
Good luck with the target practice
I’m thinking of converting my lawnmower into something like the chariots in Ben Hur and then doing some ‘voluntary’ work – tee hee
motorised I trust…..or do you want to borrow a greyhound to pull you along..
I like greyhounds – my sister-in-law is always rescuing them ……..
Hi Kate, I thought you were a Suvverner too, what made me think that ?
Me? nah lawd lav ya! Half Irish and living in the Midlands thats me!
I’ll pass this vital information along if GW doesn’t come back ……..
Wow! Your Fracretary is back with a vengeance.
Not an icicle in sight, thongless, standards out the window, lookout Google !
She is the power behind the lavatory ……. I mean throne ……
Easy tiger, she knows all your hiding places, even the ones she’s forgotten, have been logged by your fanzine editor………………………….
you learn fast GW
….. for a peabrain I suppose ……
I’ve had cliff-top lessons (at great expense, I might say) at Goddess avoidance classes…………………
You don’t want to avoid goddesses! – they’re lovely …… and wash socks ………
I’m actually just attending Goddess attraction lessons, but my tutor doesn’t hold out much hope for me, she says I need to buy new socks……………
we may wash ‘em but pair not ‘em
I worry about my ’singletons’ – I never know what to do with them …..
Make Sock puppets ….. [ding ... lightbulb on ... competition .......]
Even I might join in with that idea ……
I was going to apply for ‘Advanced 70s Attraction’, but the course is so expensive………………..
& inflation is so low now as are the interest rates … my agents do cut a hard deal on their commission !!
It won’t be long until you’re a bargain young 70’s …. but never cheap though ….. tee hee
extremely good value for money I like to think lol
Oh you do mean cheap then ? I would never have guessed ……
the last person who said that is still in a lot of pain ………
You’ve hurt yourself? – oh dear
[Blogger is up and running OK BTW]
DP: 70s is bullying ME now. Is this fair, who do I complain to ?
Try the Fanzine Editor …… and good luck!!!
try the World Blog Council but before the yardarm ….. cheap bourbon you know!!!
I suspect that they are in retirement now ……
A very nicely trimmed bush is important … apparently. But whatever … never before 10am, I agree.
They do look lovely – squirrels are nice and I even saw one once trimmed to look like a locomotive ………
I prefer an untrimmed bush, but I think i’m going to hedge my bets, ‘cos i’m bound to get in trouble with someone soon………………………………….
I’m considering building a maze in here so people can hide …… I’m thinking of yew ……
Only 61 comments ?
Try to keep up the pace DP.