The Cliff Top Residence
SE England
England
Dear Council Worker
I was very pleased to see that you were managing to get some ‘me time’ the other day as I queued at the temporary traffic lights for a restful 15 minutes. I noticed you were very well organised, with a copy of a ‘Red Top’, several sandwich options, a pork pie and a flask of tea.
It was a shame you had to leave your comfy seat in the expensive looking council van and move that cone 2 inches to the left – the concentration needed was awesome. To my inexperienced eye the other 513 cones [luckily I had enough time to count them] would have provided ample warning of the 2ft x 2ft hole we were all in danger of falling down, but that small adjustment certainly barred the way for any mice that might have been in danger. We can’t be too careful can we?
As an ardent council tax payer I was delighted to see such painstaking attention to detail displayed, and the large number of cones I must have a part share in gives me a much needed sense of security, having witnessed so many occasions when money has been wasted – on pensioners for instance.
I’m so sorry my wing mirror ripped your paper from your hand when eventually the lights turned green and I sped past you on my way home to get to the burst pipe that had by then sprayed water over the electricity meter, shorting out the whole village. I would return the paper of course but, quite honestly, I can’t be bothered.
Yours sincerely
Daddy Papersurfer
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[This article is being simultaneously broadcast at Sky - tee hee]
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Stumble It!
5 Comments
Gosh you are impatient !!! Come on those guys who keep us waiting setting up these road blocks (particularly in rush hour, then disappear for ages, they are obviously doing some important secret squirrel work) deserve a well earned break … mmm you can be quite tough at times DP
[however, the reading f a red top is unforgivable]
How you’re managing to speak so clearly with your tongue in your cheek is beyond me young 70’s ……
Years of practice my dear fellow
Have you been reading Sherlock Holmes or Mills and Boon?
where is everyone ?? Stuck in roadworks maybe??
Some people have domestic chores to do …….
I always made a practice of driving over those delightfully squishy cones.
Until I accidentally ran over a suicide cone which exploded!
I’d try that but as my car is only held together with rust it might not be a good idea ……..
[Just had a thought - has anyone invented an ice-cream cone that looks like a traffic cone? - kids would love it ... wouldn't I!!!]
I was speaking to a spokesperson from Pett Level District Council last night in the ‘Eager Squirrel’.
She was telling me about the extensive traffic calming works that the council was having to put in place.
Apparently, these road-works were going to cost the tax-payer £2.3 million. She said there had been a delay in the work, because the container ship bringing the new batch of cones from China had been held up by pirates off the coast of Somalia.
She went on to explain that the work was required because of repeated complaints by local people, of dangerous and intimidating driving behaviour.
A local man is being sought, police say he drives a rusty, possibly un-roadworthy vehicle. Because of the excessive speed of the vehicle, positive identification of the offender has been impossible.
Latest sightings have only revealed that the man is possibly in his later years, and is very grumpy.
After narrowly avoiding been mowed down, 15-year old Gavin Gimp, leader of his local Boy Scout troop, said
“ee drove str8 at me innit ? As he went by he shouted sumfin about bein famous on the net”.
Gosh GW I wonder who it could be???
It’s a mystery, i’ve got some ideas, and have been interviewed by the local constabulary, but after the offer of free accommodation in a soontobebuilt shed with en-suite facilities, my mouth is buttoned.
Funny you should have mentioned Boy Scouts who are becoming the bane of my life. They were helping packing at Morrisons today and managed to put the eggs and hot cross buns under all the tins and bottles of wine …… personally, I think they need badgering ……..
….. and I’ve just come back from a walk at Pett Level ….. there seemed to be quite a large police presence down there …… hoodies probably ….
You don’t think the police were looking for that guy who’se been been reported for photographing
groins, do you ?
Groynes!!!! ……. for goodness sake ……. there’s quite a difference you know …… tee hee
Or squirrelling ?
Oh Groynes,
right.
Don’t tell 70s about my mistake in that last comment then,
you know how easily excited I get………………
You’re such a bad boy.
Hi DM, just been to yours.
I,m now hooked on your ‘Free Rice’ widget.
How can I get one of those for my blog ?
Hello Drowsey!!! ….. no I’m not ….. I’m merely a freedom fighter for Middle England, a lone voice crying out for justice, someone looking forward to his breakfast!!! ……. tee hee ……….