The Cliff Top Residence
SE England
England
Dear Market Stallholder,
I feel that sincere congratulations are due to you on your inspiring knowledge of the law.
I was delighted with the hammer I bought from you. The two nails that it drove in perfectly before the head flew off and broke the terrible Goddess’s favourite piece of Susie Cooper are still doing their job very well.
It was a pleasure to see you still at the market later in the day when I came back to have a word – I thought that you might have packed up early.
Your very vivid explanation that a “life time guarantee was a guarantee for the life-time of the hammer mate which is now quite clearly dead innit. So, matey I can’t replace it or give you any money back mate. Sorry chum that’s the law innit.” It was very silly of me not to have realised exactly what that huge notice over your stall meant. Selfish really, to assume that it referred to my life time and not to all the wondrous wares that you display. I must say your *shrugging shoulders* classes certainly paid off handsomely as well.
By the way, I do apologise for tripping over the leg of the stall as I was leaving so that all your goods crashed to the floor. I would have helped pick everything up but I had an urgent appointment with my retail therapist.
I might see you next month. I’ll be the one parading up and down with a placard.
Yours sincerely
Daddy Papersurfer
.
Stumble It!
8 Comments
I’m terribly glad you’ve found this letter writing to be so therapeutic. I’ve always found that writing open letters (like the ones I wrote to Mexico and China some time ago) are good for getting these things off one’s chest.
Yours are a bit more specific though… addressed to individuals rather than whole countries, but… what was that? Oh.. you stopped paying attention after the “getting these things off one’s chest” part?
I see. I’m not surprised.
Good thing the hammer’s broken or TG might’ve found a use for it just about now…
Chestal areas are always a tad distracting………. what’s the time? ……..
why didn’t you just shove the hammer up his arse?
1. He was much bigger than me
2. He wasn’t wearing a kilt and had a buttoned fly
3. His wife was a biker
4. The TG wasn’t there to protect me
5. I made the whole story up
aww Nursey you beat me too it … however, I do like the small act of vandalism … nice touch
You of all people shouldn’t encourage vandalism!!! ….. tsk ……. no wonder this country is in such a state …
yer but yer but …. he started it by flouting the wonderful laws of this kingdom
“the wonderful laws of this kingdom” – I really will have to have a think about that ……..
it won’t take you long…….
Will you go away!!! I’m just sending you an email!!! …… shoooooo
what are you doing sending me e mails this time of the morning ,,,,,I will be late for work lol
GO AWAY!!!!!
Did you get my email OK? – tee hee
I’m back … did you get my email ??
Yes ….. was there anything important in it? ….. apart from the winning lottery numbers from your psychic …….
nooo I didn’t send you THAT e mail … did I?? Shame you deleted it
I’m just booking my holiday in the Maldives …… do you want me to send a postcard? ……..
Brilliantly done – made up or not I can see it all so clearly!!
I’m stilll reeling from winning a death by email complaint with the carphone warehouse – I may have to blog about it when I have recovered…..
It’s an expression of “if only I’d thought of doing that at the time” which applies to loads of things that have happened over the years. The TG writes real of letters of complaint brilliantly……
……. and well done for your success with the Carphone Warehouse *high 5*
why would you need a hammer in the first place? sometime I do wonder if you are making the most of your retiring years…
How can I retire? …….. I’m married …….
I’m glad I bought that sumo suit, I can fall off the sofa safely now after reading your commments.
I know – they’re awful aren’t they? …… tee hee
Sumo-suits, sofas, or comments?
I can only speak for the sofas of the world and they are, with very few exceptions, a rare gift …….
Just subscribed to Shinade’s blog as well, have ordered an extra hour for the day, but there’s still not enough time, can’t you control him Fracas?
You’ll have to pace yourself ….. or have a pace-maker fitted ……
I believe the very reason he is even on the internet, is because *certain* people were seeking a way to
get him out of their hair keep him occupied and amused in his very, very old age.I believe the very reason he is even on the internet, is because *certain* people were seeking a way to
get him out of their hairkeep him occupied and amused in his very, very old age(See now, this one looks how it should. Please forgive the previous comment; it was acting like DP for a moment… not listening to a word anyone told it, not following
ordersinstructions…)Oh so true! – tee hee [but not necessarily who you might think it was]
BTW, i’ve just joined FMB, so now i’ve got even less time, aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FMB is the best thing since sliced tin peaches ….. in juice of course ……
I’ve just opened a tin, delicious………
Are you sure i’m not one of your multiple personalities?
I’m beginning to wonder ………
You can’t be. DP is much older. Besides… people on the internet are all exactly who they say they are… aren’t they?
I can’t fathom why anyone would use the internet with a name other than their very own, real, slap-them-on-the-bum-and-name-them-after-aunt-martha-to-get-in-her-will birthname.
“Gitwizard”
Hmmm. Your parents must’ve been into the sherry. At least I have a nice, normal name.
Hmmmmmm back to you young Fracas, Fraccy, Fracarse ….. oooooooo, you could be right …….
I would make a comment here but I am too busy trying to save the internet!
Much more of “Fracarse” and you, Daddy P, will be censored here in Oz and I won’t be able to read your instructive letters. Oh, and I saw “bum” being used as well! That will definitely get you banned.
Oh poo …….. what’s happening Archie?
Archie do you have your undercrackers outside your trousers and wear a cape whilst saving the internet?… I was just askin’ for a friend you understand
We must have a mutual friend ….. I have exactly the same question ……..
Our Prime minister speaks Chinese and appears to believe that the Chinese internet controls would be a good idea for Australia. As for wearing my undercrackers on the outside with a cape – well, I do the cape but undercrackers are only a sometime thing when the temperature reaches 45C – - -
见鬼 – I shall only swear in Chinese from now on – tee hee
Pleeeeeease tell me I am not thinking the same way as you … ??? lol
Just been watching 10 years younger they both looked well older than me but I am now fearing my mental age !!
Listening to the Bob Dylan (I think) show on Radio2, so i’ve completely lost the thread now…
think
i was going to tell the world how wonderful Archie is………..
How old were the people – 70? – tee hee heeeeeeee