The Cliff Top Residence
SE England

Dear Young Mum

How refreshing to meet someone who is so relaxed with their child in the supermarket. Your policy of chatting to your sister on your pink mobile telephone whilst young Brooklyn amuses himself in the aisles shows a degree of poise that I can only admire. [By the way, I do hope your sister’s thrush clears up soon.]
I particularly enjoyed watching Brooklyn’s game of rolling tins of marrowfat peas up aisle 17, using that rather nimble old lady as a skittle – I’m sure I’ve seen her before.
His little trick of licking the chocolate off chocolate éclairs and then putting them back on the counter in the patisserie section looked great fun – luckily he was extremely dexterous and didn’t drop them on the floor.
Anyway, I thought I’d better drop you a line in case you’ve noticed that Brooklyn is missing. He’s in aisle 24, hemmed in by 4 shopping trolleys tied together with several plastic carrier bags. I left him with a can of diet coke to keep him amused in the hope he won’t end up the size of a small planet before he reaches puberty. No charge for the coke, I’m only too happy to help.

Yours sincerely

Daddy Papersurfer