The Cliff Top Residence
SE England
England
Dear Young Mum
How refreshing to meet someone who is so relaxed with their child in the supermarket. Your policy of chatting to your sister on your pink mobile telephone whilst young Brooklyn amuses himself in the aisles shows a degree of poise that I can only admire. [By the way, I do hope your sister’s thrush clears up soon.]
I particularly enjoyed watching Brooklyn’s game of rolling tins of marrowfat peas up aisle 17, using that rather nimble old lady as a skittle – I’m sure I’ve seen her before.
His little trick of licking the chocolate off chocolate éclairs and then putting them back on the counter in the patisserie section looked great fun – luckily he was extremely dexterous and didn’t drop them on the floor.
Anyway, I thought I’d better drop you a line in case you’ve noticed that Brooklyn is missing. He’s in aisle 24, hemmed in by 4 shopping trolleys tied together with several plastic carrier bags. I left him with a can of diet coke to keep him amused in the hope he won’t end up the size of a small planet before he reaches puberty. No charge for the coke, I’m only too happy to help.
Yours sincerely
Daddy Papersurfer
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Stumble It!
10 Comments
You are truly the epitome of a humanitarian and philanthropist DP. All men should model themselves on your example. Truly gallant of you.
(By the way, I might need a slight raise in salary…)
As you know young Fraccy all requests concerning salaries must be made in triplicate and accompanied by proof of indentification, including a copy of passport,bank details, relevant PIN numbers and bra size …….
Oh. Having already complied with most of those, I see there’s just the one item I haven’t already provided to you. Apologies. Here it is.
1. By the way, I might need a slight raise in salary
2. By the way, I might need a slight raise in salary
3. By the way, I might need a slight raise in salary
(Please be careful with all of the other, very personal information I’ve given you. You do know the internet is rife with those who would steal identities. I’m rather worried about my bra size getting out there you know… how would it look for others to be walking around with the same boobs as I?)
As soon as I’ve dealt with the rest of the ’stuff’ in my intray, I’ll make suitable arrangements with my bank – if only I could find my wallet …… you haven’t seen it have you?
Er, that youngster at the supermarket, should I not be dropping him over Saskatchewan ?
I’m rather busy tending to DP’s every need and whim (not unlike taking care of the three fraccy children I’ve already raised)… so I won’t be able to look after that youngster. If you really must drop him off here, I could probably give you the address of some unfortunate in-law or something…
Do be careful. I hear such youngsters can cause all sorts of mayhem while the others are busy flying a plane. I have such fear for your safety… perhaps it might be quicker to just leave him with DP, since DP is clearly, very knowledgeable at child psychology and how to deal with unruly children.
Please don’t worry about air-safety, my chief stewardess Ms. Carmen Jones has young Henry safely secured in the rear section, serenading him, one of those new ‘rap’ ditties apparently, something about ‘banging on a drum’……..
Henry the Vacuum Cleaner!!!!?! – I wondered where he was ……
Amazingly enough… I do know where that wallet is. I suppose I could just handle the salary raise on my own and save you the trouble.
Hmmm. I bet your fanzine editor could use a paid vacation right about now too…
Talking about paid vacations – the TG is always telling me I have a vacuous expression ….. should I put in for a raise myself? I don’t want to appear greedy though ……..
I agree with Fracas, we couldn’t possibly discuss bra sizes over the net, especially after my enhancement last week (40c if you must know).
I suppose you have some nipple slip you’d like me to post over at the fraccy blog too?
(For educational purposes only of course, fracas would never deal in such content for any other reason…)
I noticed some ‘nipple slip’ over at your place young Fraccy …. is it catching?
Slipple nip is not to be sniggered at….
It certainly isn’t …..
haha… this is your best one yet
Morning Nursey – I’m only here to help – tee hee
I am more concerned with what those shopping carts are doing! They should get a room somewhere.
It looks like a scene from a ‘cowboy and indian’ film to me …… or should that be a ‘cowperson and native American’ film nowadays? …… I get very confused
There’s a canal near me where they’re usually parked.
They get everywhere don’t they? …… I reckon there’s a dastardly plot afoot ……
I have got a pink mobile phone!!!!
Why am I not surprised ……..
A Samsung always looks best in pink.
What was it Sam sung?
Oh Archie, do we have to re-open this can of worms ?
My shins are still healing, OK, musicals……..
(please tell me i’m out of ear-shot of Lo,TG),
as everybody knows, the only musical worth a second look, is “2001, A Space Odyssey”.
An odd -yssey choice – I only remember HAL [note to self - buy or rent film for another gander]
yes my phone is very ‘bling’ I blame the Teen she said it was trendy … when will I ever learn not to listen to the youth of today ……
p.s. GW Sam couldn’t sing
……. and you’ve got a tattoo ….. a slug isn’t it? – tee hee
[shushhh don't tell everyone ....]
ahem I have no idea what you are talking about lol
Don’t we spell it yooth these days?
GW don’t you get me paranoid about my spelling too!!!
Sorry 70’s, DP has warned me about ticking off commenters over they’re spelling……
But I just can’t help myself.
Sheesh, I guess i’ve got a slagging on the way from Fracas!
‘their’ spelling GW ‘their’ spelling …….. tsk
Sorry teach, i’ll do my detension in the cupboard under the stairs.
God Lord ………….. oh well
Ah, the joys of being a young mother. Blissfully unaware of how obnoxious your children truly are. I wish I could turn the clock back…
I bet you anything that you are more than a ’so-so artist’ …… tsk. Anyway, some children are delightful …… although I have yet to meet one …. tee hee
Thank you very much for popping by ….. I hope to see you again ….. [another letter tomorrow about something or other - I've forgotten what it's about myself now!]
Probably enhancement or envisisioning or some such nonsense.
Condolences to all in Germany.
you have a great sense of observation DP…I have always sensed that in you
Then why do I keep tripping over things and missing the point ……… and putting my foot in it – ho hum.
That reminds of the joke
“It looks like it – it smells like it – it tastes like it! ……… thank heavens I didn’t tread in it”
According to a program on Radio 4, an Egyptian woman has been offered a book deal ‘cos of her blog, have you spoken to Diane about this yet ?
Diane is the book queen ……. and a jolly good egg ….. and has a mophead for a pet. I’ll be ‘bound’ to use her services when my wit, wisdom and charm are, at last, discovered ….. [I hope she's patient]
My ‘mophead’ done a runner days ago, i’m distraught.
That’s horrible …… years ago one of ours did a runner as well …… not nice
Also just heard about Punjabi drum’n'bass, alway worth a listen.
Can our spokesperson from Saskatchewan update us on the story about the convicts who escaped using nail clippers ?