.
Christmas time is not all bad,
So many reasons to be not sad,
But there’s a subject I must raise
With Santa. Boy, it’s left me phased.
.
The weather, you will all have seen,
Has taken a turn that’s quite obscene.
The nights are cold, the mornings chilly,
And what I need concerns my willy.
Asking Santa will cause a shock, for what I need is [whispers] – a ‘c*ck sock’.
It makes me blush and I don’t know
How to phrase it, or to show
The correct decorum and respect,
Demanded by the ultimate prefect.
.
So perhaps I should just ask,
Tho’ I’ll have to complete the task,
For needles and some knitting wool,
A pattern and a wooden stool,
And then I’ll sit before the hearth
And knit myself a willy scarf.
.
It won’t take long, I’m only lickle,
I’m worried though that it might tickle,
But laughing is good or so I’m told
I’ll go for it before I’m old!!!
.
(Lo,TG is out of the office until she stops feeling faint. Probably some time in the New Year. Lo,TG Ed)
.
Stumble It!
14 Comments
I hope you get your wish, Oh Likkle One.
But have you been goooooood???
HO-HO-HO!
Are you Santa Bra? will it be you coming down my non-existent chimney? – careful you don’t get grubby …..
Sorry I spelled it wrong…Oh Lickle One!
I assume there is a big difference?
Now you come to mention it ……. tee hee
if I send you some needles and some wool
make me a promise & make it full
no nekkid pictures of you and warm up willy
you know you will look pathetically silly
just thinking of your street cred you know……..
or
‘twinkle twinkle little star
what the heck is he up to nar???’
yawn………zzzzzzzzzzz
Not bad, considering the hour ……. [my street cred plateaued a long time ago - unfortunately at it's nadia]
Nadia is a nice place..
must dash off to see the Queen
Don’t forget your camera …… and don’t go down with Alice – it’s worse than flu …..
Alice just doesn’t do it for me .. but Christopher!!!! lol
Christopher is a Queen!!!!!?! well you live and learn ………..
was he? is he ? no please don’t burst my childhood bubble!
Anyone who plays pooh sticks is a bit suspect – tee hee
playing pooh sticks is cool it shows the sensitive side of men …….
You’re wrong – I like playing pooh sticks ……
will you take the ‘the’ out of 2nd line down ta ……
Done and dusted madam …….
could you do that with all my posts ?…. ta
Of course, I’ve still got the key and I’ve got all the time in the world ……..
cool I have a compliant employee at last !!
It won’t take long to be a complaining employtee hee …….
you are sacked .. on that subject ! that is a rather large knitted sack in comparison … ????
mmmm?
Reeeeeeeeeeesult!!!!
I had one of them once – but I grew out of it – - -
There is hope for us all ……..
You have inspired me to do a little knitting myself!
a ‘little’ knitting!!?! – I doubt it ……
Come ‘n see for yerself!
Must I? ……. oh well …….. OK
They cauze chaffing … just sayin`
You didn’t use wire-wool did you Speedy? Have you got rust stains as well?
DAmmit! … I mean, “no” ….
Try some baby oil ……. usually works
I think I’ll go join the TG for some air. And then I’ll find some nice hypoallergenic wool for you.
How sensible …… and thoughtful. You look as though you had a lovely break young Lizza – readjusted back to normality yet?
Get ready to open a new shop by the new year DP!
OK ……… why? …… not a knitting shop surely? [I can never understand a word she says - I reckon she starts drinking really early]
Does Santa really have those things
Hiding in his sack?
I’m glad he’s never left one here
Cos I’d have to give it back……..
Santa’s sack is quite large
So I’ve heard, by and large,
A knitted thong might do the trick
If, like some, you don’t have enough underwear ……
a knitted thong would be scratchy
but then again it could be catchy
with people who like to wiggle their ass
as for me, I think I’ll pass!!!!!!
T’would seem that we should stick to socks
And ignore knitted undies and knitted frocks
The simple life is the way to go
With belly laughs and ho ho ho’s.
Socks is good- all colourful and nice
And they come in twos so its good fun twice!!
Happy Christmas my new friend
Let’s ho ho ho to the end!!!!!
[note to self - retain copyright for all comments and then profit from the book of silly poems - excellent]
Well I knew 70s would eventually win you over to the knitting side.
At least we now know which knitting patterns you won’t turn your nose up at.
She is the Darth Vader of knitting needles …… or chop sticks in her case ………
I do suggest you *not* use chopsticks when knitting yourself a [whispers]‘c*ck sock’ though DP. Experienced knitters know that the larger the girth of the needle one knits with, the looser the stitch and therefore the less warmth provided to the *ahem* body part in need of covering. For a tighter stitch and a warmer sock… use a thinner needle. (Well, but of course, it all depends on the type of yarn used also… goodness, are you sure you can handle this new hobby? You may have to rely on 70s for assistance with this…)
(I suppose this is one time when a larger girth isn’t necessarily the better thing… )
*snigger*
I had no idea that knitting was soooooo fraught ….. perhaps I’ll have to rethink the whole concept …..thanks Fracarse …….
I am watching you know.. chopsticks are so versitile you know ….. it does give a loose knit which is unthinkable for a willy holster … shudder
but yes Frac he has come around lol
(the fools have fallen into my trap!!!! – completely lulled – perhaps I’ll do some purls …. and then DROP ONE)
I ventured Souff & I am now far Norff again so can’t detect the dropped one …
Just wait ………
dropping a purl would probably make the sock smaller. Are you trying to tell us something DP?
{{oh, I’ve burst my stitches from laughing so hard…}}
It would be wrong of me to smile at your plight wouldn’t it? ……. oh dear, I’m doomed now – tee hee
hey hey hey!! ooh… so in christmas spirit in here!!
la laa la la laaa… 
I’m so Christmassy, I feel quite ill ……. [feeling better?]
May all your Christmas wishes come true
Good grief, I hope not ……. I wouldn’t really wish that on my relatives ………
LOL! That is hilarious! The picture though is a little deceiving.It looks like you could fit your pocket change in there as well.
Well [he said modestly] it’s bespoke actually …… tee hee
I do hope you get a better color than the one shown!
I was thinking of something in pink …….