Thu
2
Sep
2010

LISTS

Everyone needs lists …….. otherwise listlessness sets in ……. obviously.

TheTop100.net

The Top 100.net is all about lists. I’ve put various lists over there: this has been great fun – the people involved have just the right amount of dementedness and are excellent at telling me how to do ‘stuff’ when I got confused. There are serious lists as well as fun lists and they have helped me keep in touch with reality!

The very good thing is that if you think an important list is missing you can make your own …. in fact I would recommend starting one immediately to get a feel of how the site works. I’m considering starting a “TwoFacedBook” list of what people actually say to you on social sites and then what they really mean ….. tee hee. [mmmmm …….thinking about it I haven’t really got time so if anyone wants that idea they are very welcome to steal it].

Anyhoo, I’ve discovered a VERY useful side to the site that I hadn’t thought of. I’ve started a list of my Match of the Day cartoons – mainly to sort them out and have them stored somewhere else as a back-up. Surprisingly a lot of people have been voting on them, rating them and leaving comments. This is going to be very handy for me when I get round to writing my book “Daddy Papersurfer’s Workings Out” which is my project this coming winter. This tome will guarantee my financial future and be the instigation of my children and grandchild divorcing me and changing their names. What was my point? ……. oh yes, the feedback I’m getting from the list at the Top100.net will help me decide which cartoons to include in the book and which to use as spills to light bonfires.

I’ve ‘met’ some new people over there who are now visiting here as well ….. poor souls….. and there are a few old friends as well …….. mmmm ……. I ought to make a list I suppose ……

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Match of the Day

Available here ….. tee hee

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By daddyp | Posted in Match of the day, This & that, blogging | Tagged , , , , | Comments (17)
Wed
1
Sep
2010

HIGH COO

I am blown off course
But an ill wind it was not
The food down South is bloody fantastic, so quite frankly, I think I’ll hang around here for a few more weeks.

Pigeon 1

[a few weeks ago]

Pigeon 2
[a couple of days ago]

This young chap arrived about 6 weeks ago looking rather dishevelled, wet, cold and hungry. He looks fine now but obviously the fodder that our neighbours are supplying is too good for him to bother to go home. He has a ring but won’t allow us quite near enough to read his number so that we can contact his owner. Still, he’s no trouble.

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Match of the Day

Match pawn

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By daddyp | Posted in Match of the day, Photos | Tagged , , , , | Comments (21)
Tue
31
Aug
2010

SALLE D’ATTENTE

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We all know that a lot of life is spent waiting. I had a little Google to see what other people had said …..

I took a course in speed waiting. Now I can wait an hour in only ten minutes.  – Steven Wright

My whole life is waiting for the questions to which I have prepared answers.  – Tom Stoppard

A chuckle a day may not keep the doctor away, but it sure does make those times in life’s waiting room a little more bearable.  – Anne Wilson Schaef

You can’t stay in your corner of the forest waiting for others to come to you. You have to go to them sometimes.  – A. A. Milne

Waiting, waiting, waiting. All my life, I’ve been waiting for my life to begin, as if somehow my life was ahead of me, and that someday I would arrive at it.  – Camryn Manheim

Do not hold grain waiting for higher prices when people are hungry  – Zoroaster

Light thinks it travels faster than anything but it is wrong. No matter how fast light travels, it finds the darkness has always got there first, and is waiting for it.  – Terry Pratchett

Waiting for the fish to bite or waiting for wind to fly a kite. Or waiting around for Friday night or waiting perhaps for their Uncle Jake or a pot to boil or a better break or a string of pearls or a pair of pants or a wig with curls or another chance. Everyone is just waiting. – Theodor Geisel

We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.  E M Forster

I have to keep reminding myself that I am their mother. Sometimes we are sitting at home and I feel like we are waiting for our mom to come home.  Ruby Wax

Me? ……. I’m just waiting for my tea …….

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Match of the Day

Watched kettle

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By daddyp | Posted in Match of the day, This & that | Tagged , , , , | Comments (31)
Mon
30
Aug
2010

THE SECRET OF A SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE

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I’m often asked how Lo, she is a terrible Goddess and I have survived for well over 45 years as a couple. I usually manage a shrug. As the TG was in a benign mood yesterday I asked her what she thought.

“It’s simple – you have to learn to enjoy being irritated.” (Interesting. You actually heard the word enjoy did you? Lo,TG Ed)

There followed a very full and detailed explanation that lasted several hours.

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I’m really glad I asked.

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Match of the Day

Camping

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By daddyp | Posted in Match of the day, The Terrible Goddess & Me | Tagged , , , | Comments (25)
Fri
27
Aug
2010

OH LOOK – IT’S FRIDAY

Tiggz popped over for lunch the other day and came up with an idea for a cartoon.

What was reeeeally funny was that 2 of the greatest brains on the planet …… and mine …… took about 3 hours to refine it ……. oh well. (What were reeeelly funny were the ones we came up with that you can’t print. Lo,TG Ed)

A.R.S.E.S.

Thank you Lo, she is a terrible Goddess and Tiggz.

Oooo …… we’re off to Oxfordshire today …… how exciting. Have a lovely weekend.

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Match of the Day

Acting match
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WINNER of the competition for the original cartoon on Monday’s post,  ‘TMI’ is……..

Drumroll……. wonderlandhwy, who captured the essence of the competition without resorting to being completely disgusting (penfold). Congratulations. [Wonderlandhwy, we need your postal address - this gives you the chance to back out while you've still got the chance] Lo,TG Ed

By daddyp | Posted in Drawings, Match of the day, The Terrible Goddess & Me | Tagged , , , , , , | Comments (28)
Thu
26
Aug
2010

THE LEAPFROG OF LIFE

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There are times, and at different ages,
When children go through all those stages
Of  sounding like they’re your begetters,
Trying to be the ones who fetter.

When they’re young it’s accidental
Treating you as though you’re mental
But when they hit their middle age
They often don the role of ‘sage’

Which I always find quite funny
When I recall the noses [runny]
All the tantrums over food
And explanations of what is rude.

But there they are with ideas sticking
Not liking that your brain keeps ticking
And soon their children will do the same
And they themselves become fair game.

(About which children are you talking, Peabrain? Not mine, certainly. Lo,TG Ed)

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Match of the Day

Sir Match

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By daddyp | Posted in Match of the day, poems | Tagged , , | Comments (25)
Wed
25
Aug
2010

CRISIS NARROWLY AVERTED AT CLIFF TOP RESIDENCE LAST THURSDAY

Chapter 2

“Have you seen my glasses?” I asked the still humming TG. (Not a word of a lie, Avid Reader. LO,TG Ed)

“No – perhaps they fell off when you were cutting the hedge?” she graciously replied.

I started retracing my footsteps and my step’s steps. I looked on the ground. I looked on the hedge. I looked in the shed. I looked in my undercrackers [they have been known to work their way down that far]. Nothing. Disappeared. Vanished. (!!! That’s the LAST time I borrow his glasses. Lo,TG Ed)

Suddenly I remembered that the TG had instructed me to clear the hedge trimmings out of the pond [this request rather cleverly sung to the tune of “Gonna Make You a Star”].

Could they have fallen into the pond!!!!?! Surely I would have heard a splash?

I bent over [not easy at my age] and looked.

There they were!!!! Obviously they’d landed softly and silently in the weeds. What a relief as I’ve only got half a dozen spare pairs left.

Glasses

[This is actually a reconstruction of the denouement as I was so excited I rushed in to tell the TG the good news. Don’t try this yourself. You can’t see from the reflection in the water but I am wearing a safety harness and stabilisers] (The stabilisers are a constant feature, but the harness is usually only employed when I take him out for a walk. Lo,TG Ed)

My only regret after the drama of this terribly exciting escapade is that I completely forgot to help myself to Aloe Vera’s plums whilst she was dozing and she picked them herself later on that evening …… how selfish was that?

The End

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Match of the Day

Match burial

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By daddyp | Posted in Match of the day, The Terrible Goddess & Me | Tagged , | Comments (16)
Tue
24
Aug
2010

CRISIS NARROWLY AVERTED AT CLIFF TOP RESIDENCE LAST THURSDAY

Chapter 1

“I’m going to cut the hedges!” I announced as I leapt out of bed.
Lo, she is a terrible Goddess feigned indifference and continued dusting her photograph of David Essex.

I showered immediately with only a twinge of regret that I’d forgotten to take off my pyjamas – they needed washing anyway. I dressed and then broke my fast [and a mug but I managed to hide it behind the toaster before the TG noticed as she was still elegantly drooling with the aid of a lace handkerchief].

I wandered into the garden at a nimble amble and said good morning to Stumpy …

Stumpy

…… a slow worm easily recognisable as he lost the tip of his tail last year.

I found the hedge-trimmer and a pair of ladders and started topiarying like Michaelangelo on Prozac.

Plums

I stopped briefly when I noticed that Aloe Vera’s plums were almost ready for picking on the other side of the hedge and made a mental note to scrump them later in the day while she was having her afternoon snooze.

I completed the work by lunchtime and cleared up to the satisfaction of the TG who seemed to be in a very benign mood: she was actually humming “Hold Me Close” and asked me if I’d ever considered having my ears pierced. I pretended I hadn’t heard her as I didn’t know what she meant exactly and wondered if she was about to scream.

I settled down to read my “101 Tips on Grouting” manual, a marvellous tome for the semi-experienced grouter and discovered that my reading glasses, which I habitually hook into the top of my t-shirt when not in use, were MISSING ………..

[To be concluded tomorrow]

(Send me some oxygen someone – I’m about to faint with suspense. LO,TG Ed)

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Match of the Day

Hot Stuff

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By daddyp | Posted in Match of the day, The Terrible Goddess & Me | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Comments (35)
Mon
23
Aug
2010

TMI

Technogran came closest to my original caption [which was “Any distinguishing features?] to the LMAO cartoon competition I posted just over a week ago. Luckily I used the word ‘exact’ in the conditions of entry  so nobody wins a t-shirt!  …….. *phew – puts wallet back under the floor boards*

Anyhoo, as I’m feeling very generous …… oh, all right then ……on instructions from Lo, she is a terrible Goddess who said “meany” very softly but with more than a hint of menace, a prize will be awarded to the funniest alternative caption to this little beauty …….

TMI

The TG will be the judge as she is totally unbiased and anyway it’s her default position. I must let you know that she doesn’t like bad language and is very sensitive ( ;-[  Lo,TG Ed) ….. good luck!

The winner will be announced on Friday …… probably …… oh yes, the prize ….. the original cartoon!!!!!

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Match of the Day

Cricket matches

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By daddyp | Posted in Drawings, Match of the day, The Terrible Goddess & Me | Tagged , , , , , | Comments (20)
Fri
20
Aug
2010

LIFE AT THE TOP

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There are many advantages to living on a cliff top in an area of outstanding natural beauty and scientific interest. There’s all the wildlife running around, and being able to watch the private aeroplanes and helicopters that fly along using the coast as a navigation aid: always fascinating trying to work out who they might belong to. Apparently, just before we moved here, Mohamed Abdel Moneim Fayed organised a jolly on his private yacht and parked just off-shore for a weekend. Luminaries were shuttled to the shore to explore and have a BBQ, and young beauties were swimming from the boat. There was also a helicopter which kept bringing new revellers to the yacht. Yes – it was big enough to have a landing pad.

A slightly disturbing sight is that of nudists – probably German – wending their way to the official ‘get your kit off beach’ which is just up the coast a few hundred yards. Unfortunately they all seem to be tubby middle-aged men intent on disrobing early. Oh well.

Have a lovely weekend ……… and keep your clothes on …….

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Match of the Day

Rescue team

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By daddyp | Posted in Match of the day, This & that | Tagged , , , , , , , | Comments (33)