Going shopping and whilst hopping,
She spied her own reflection.
She checked her bum, oh this is fun.
She gazed with much affection.
“Avast behind!” broke her peace of mind,
She glared in all directions,
Then saw the source, oh yes, of course!
A pirate of fair complexion.
She began to flirt and twirled her skirt
Then spied an imperfection.
Across his bum, which left her numb,
Grew barnacles. An infection!
She ran away without delay,
A definite rejection.
To settle down she bought a gown
And chocolates, a selection.
(I hope you aren’t implying that JD’s bum is anything less than perfection, Peabrain? Lo,TG Ed.)
Stage 1 of new sculpture. The core is this cube which is half brain and half cabbage.
Surprisingly I know what I’m doing.
The Turner Prize has been on the go since 1984. Like most innovations there comes a time when the sell-by-date is reached and something new is needed. It is very difficult for those involved to recognise this time.
With the blessing of the organisers of the alternative Turnip Prize I am in the process of creating a trophy with built-in deconstruction so that it is blindingly obvious when things need to change.
I’m designing a trophy made from a real turnip. When nature, the only true judge, shrivels the turnip to virtually nothing a committee of Primary school children will decide what the next aspirational prize will be in the art world.
For personal reasons I’ll encourage the maximum age for prospective winners to be raised from 50 to 100.
I pricked out my Blackberry bush a few weeks ago and it’s doing very well. I reckon I’ll be able to harvest it in a couple of weeks. I’ll call you when it’s ripe.
(Found objects, copper, cement and galvanised wire)
Illustration by the redoubtable Lucy Pepper
The lips of the righteous know what is acceptable: but the mouth of the wicked speaketh frowardnesse._- King James Version (1611) – __The lips of the righteous bring forth what is acceptable, But the mouth of the wicked what is perverted._- New American Standard Version (1995)__The lips of the righteous know what is acceptable; But the mouth of the wicked `speaketh’ perverseness._- American Standard Version (1901)__The lips of the upright man have knowledge of what is pleasing, but twisted are the mouths of evil-doers._- Basic English Bible__The lips of a righteous [man] know what is acceptable; but the mouth of the wicked is frowardness._- Darby Bible__The lips of the just consider what is acceptable: and the mouth of the wicked uttereth perverse things. _- Douay Rheims Bible__The lips of the righteous know what is acceptable: but the mouth of the wicked speaketh frowardness. _- Webster’s Bible__The lips of the righteous know what is acceptable, but the mouth of the wicked is perverse._- World English Bible__The lips of the righteous know a pleasing thing, And the mouth of the wicked perverseness!_- Youngs Literal Bible__The lips of the righteous know what is acceptable; but the mouth of the wicked is all frowardness._- Jewish Publication Society Bible
This proverb (from Proverbs as it ‘appens) should be considered by anyone voicing opinions on the interweave … and by comedians … and by journalists. Actually everyone should bear this in mind every time they open their mouths, put pen to paper or finger to keypad. I speak as a married man.
I’ve just done a painting.
“Christmas Dinner Makes A Bid For Freedom”
Acrylic on canvas 20cm x 20cm
This is why I don’t paint very often.
One of the very nice things about living right on the coast is that unpretentious people create pop-up art shows in their gardens.
This installation changes through the year. New bits of flotsam and jetsam are found on the beach and added almost on a daily basis. Obviously bits are also removed as I remember a load of disembodied doll’s limbs once featured heavily.
Other art shows are almost like an extended happening. Stones-with-holes-in have been threaded on this shrub for many years. Some of the ones that have been here for ages have now grown lichen and are almost invisible.
This is a slightly more self-conscious effort which uses found objects with bought in art works. The owner of this seaside garden is an artist, a millionaire and used to manage the Pet Shop Boys, Bros and East 17.
I’m always tempted by driftwood and ‘interesting’ stones and rocks. Quite often I give into these temptations, not always with Lo, she is a terrible Goddess’s approval.
In all of these photos I’m standing with my back directly facing the beach and the sea.
HAPPENING
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia.
A happening is a performance, event or situation meant to be considered art, usually as performance art. Happenings take place anywhere, and are often multi-disciplinary, with a nonlinear narrative and the active participation of the audience. Key elements of happenings are planned, but artists sometimes retain room for improvisation. This new media art aspect to happenings eliminates the boundary between the artwork and its viewer. Henceforth, the interactions between the audience and the artwork makes the audience, in a sense, part of the art.
Happenings were all the rage when I was at art college in the late sixties and early seventies.
Yoko Ono presented one whilst I was there. She walked onto stage with a large black bag, climbed into it and proceeded to take off her clothes and carefully place them outside the bag. She retrieved her clothes and then stepped out of the bag fully dressed and asked if there were any questions. Someone asked how often she washed her hair at which point she lost it and stormed off muttering something about “not taking her seriously”. I’ve always thought that if she had just answered the question things might have progressed in a way she would have approved of.
Students and tutors all got involved in this rather self conscious and precious activity.
There was one day when several students and members of staff ran round Goldsmiths at a break neck speed, dressed as doctors using a gurney as a taxi taking students to their lectures.
Even I joined in one day.
I sat on a lavatory for several hours in the refectory (canteen). Possibly the first flash ‘flash’. The irony was that every time I actually needed the loo I had to disappear for a few minutes. I know, I know … lack of commitment.
For some now I’ve been trying to think of a way to integrate the virtual and the real world in a sculptural form. Eventually I came up with a solution.
This sculpture shows the inner workings of the Time and Relative Dimension in Space machine that Dr Who uses.
With the aid of Smart phone technology you will be able to experience and consequently understand the rocket science that enabled this rather clever device to exist here … and there.
If I ever manage to persuade an art gallery to show this piece I’m hoping that modern day cyber kids will find something that interests them and also to demonstrate that the fantastic tools that we have in the various forms of modern technology can be used for more than looking at cats, advertising, playing games and grumbling at the world.
I’m only just beginning to see the value of QR codes and how they could be used effectively other than advertising. For a start, art galleries could use them next to painting, sculptures and installations that require some explanation other than existence or if the artist wants to provide information that he/she thinks would add to the experience. It won’t be that far in the future when everyone has a Smart phone.
By the way, to be able to follow where my sculpture leads, you’ll need two Smart phones.
The sculpture is called Who’s In There.
(The QR code does work in the actual sculpture, even within the cage, but doesn’t in the photo. I’ve reproduced it below.)
