Sat
22
Aug
2015

THE DIE IS CAST

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My work is done. Everything is in place for my Open Studio exhibition ‘Thru the Keyhole’ and I’m ready to throw open the side gate. The responsibility is now firmly in the eyes and minds of any visitors. I shall, of course, be there to make cups of tea and coffee and hand round the biscuit barrel.

Thank you to Coastal Currents and particularly Tina Morris for her help and advice.

Time for a nap.

(Lo, the terrible Goddess has been a tad useful as well but I don’t want her to gain even more power over me)

Mon
10
Aug
2015

THE SOLUTION TO FRETTING

I have come up with a brilliant and effective solution to stop  people worrying about all those silly, unimportant things.

On a particularly fretful day last week, I decided to run around the carpark outside Morrisons the supermarket, wearing nothing more than a smile and a hat. It was very freeing but the worries about my up-coming exhibition (part of the Coastal Currents Arts Festival 2015) continued.

When I was arrested the silly worries started to retreat but didn’t go completely.

The best and most effective solution occurred when I was shoved into the holding cell to be greeted by a very large, shaven headed and tattooed chap in need of a wash with the words “Hello, my name is Bubbles.”

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My imagined problems shrank immediately … as did a few other things.

Sun
9
Aug
2015

REVVING UP …

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… to a climax

Coastal Currents Open Studios 2015 starts in 4 weeks. I’m doing a pre-Open Studios press party in 2 weeks.

The local art critic, Percy the pigeon, has just left his comment … and fertilised the garden.

It’s an ill wind.

What larks Pip.

Sat
25
Jul
2015

IT WON’T BE LONG NOW

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The Coastal Currents Arts Festival 2015 will be kicking off shortly. The brochure is very shiny and very exciting. Hastings and it’s environs will be awash with all things arty. Click HERE to download the brochure.

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In the meantime the key to my personal success will rely heavily on trying to expand my taste away from ginger nuts into the heady realms of the custard cream and garibaldi. I’ve foolishly promised that visitors will be able to revive themselves with tea and biscuits and then discovered that not everyone enjoys the delight of the ginger nut. I shall resist making personal comments about people’s taste … but really!!!?! *shakes head in dismay* Anyhoo, I feel that I can’t offer a biscuit that I haven’t tested myself hence my present adventure into discovering the ‘delights’ of choice, a very overrated concept if you ask me.

Right, I must get on, a chocolate digestive is calling me …….

Sat
4
Jul
2015

OPEN STUDIOS 2015

Later this year, September I believe, I’ll be throwing open my side passage so that peeps can gawp at my doings and wonder.

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A typical conversation from the last time I participated in this annual vibrant Coastal Currents cultural event ran along these lines.

“Why do you bother?”

“Everest.”

“The double glazing company?”

“No, the mountain.”

“Oh, of course. ‘Because it’s there’.”

“No, not at all. I was invited to climb it, I panicked and the only excuse I could think of on the spur of the moment was to say I was doing the Open Studio thingy. Anyhoo Everest will be there whether I climb it or not, these objects won’t be unless I make them.”

Pause

“Which brings me back to my original question.”

“Oh, is that the time? I’m late. Bye!”

The last thing I heard was “But don’t you live here……”

Fri
12
Jun
2015

MANY YEARS AGO …

… back in the 1970’s’ I was shown around Bridget Riley’s house/studio/factory.

As I was leaving I noticed a couple of works by the front door ready for shipping. They were wrapped in striped flannelette sheets.

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Foolishly I joked “Don’t forget to wrap those paintings, they need protecting.”

She threw me out and never spoke to me again.

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I still don’t really approve of the factory artist who hardly touches his or her ‘own’ work although I do admire their business skills.

Tue
19
May
2015

AN INTERESTING CHAP

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What a great programme this was.

Mr Perry is a very clever, simply complicated performer and artist. To be able to actually write the script for large swathes of your life is a well deserved privilege. His Dream House is like a film made plastic. Wonderful.

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However I’m not fooled by his stage presence of fun and jollity. He’s an angry man which, I think, is his main driving force. I’m not sure if he’s angry with his mother or that really he’d like to be his own mother. I suspect he would love to experience actually being pregnant and giving birth. Tricky.

(He needs some help with fashion BTW. A full length black number with a pair of stylish court shoes would look good though his choice of wigs is improving.)

I really must pluck up courage and enter Essex.

Sat
9
May
2015

SPRING SPRUNGING

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We followed an old carting trail through the bluebelly woods where bushels were sent to the weavers of merkins to be be woved in days of yore.

We planned an adventure trail where stumps and logs and roots of outstanding natural naturalness would fascinate and empty wallets.

We avoided mud, got rounded up by a conscientious sheep dog and got drunk on the smell of all the bloody bluebells.

Walks can take you in any direction wherever you are, even walking to the shops. They’re even possible sitting on the sofa.

Tue
5
May
2015

HONESTY

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Everyone is racist. “Belgium is good for producing delicious chocolates”. I bet there are some rubbish chocolatiers over there. “The Scottish are all very careful with their money”. Loads must get fooled by con artists.

Everyone is sexist. “Men cannot use washing machines, load dishwashers properly or speak about their feelings”. I feel that my washing machine and dishwasher skills are brilliant although, obviously, there’s room for improvement.

Everyone has some traits that would be perceived as very non-pc by today’s hyper critical, head-up-their-own-bottoms, self opinionated, self appointed tsars of moral values who populate all forms of mass communication who, by their very hyper critical, head-up-their-own-bottoms, self opinionated views, and self opinionatedness prove my point very nicely thank you.

No one is perfect … except Lo, she is a terrible Goddess …. naturally.

(This post rewritten several times to try and avoid knee-jerk reactions and unthinking ripostes. To be honest with oneself really is a necessity and sadly missing in many people)

Sun
8
Mar
2015

ATTENTION ALL CATS

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I am more powerful than Dog.

Humans are almost completely trained.

We’re nearly there!

We’ve conquered old ladies and most young ladies.

Children are a pushover.

Men are proving a bit of a problem although the Gay community is on our side, which is a start.

We’ve conquered the Internet. Well done the Lolcats!

We sit and lie around, we perform no useful function and yet people feed us – they pamper us – they worship us!

We can behave as we please.

Crap in the garden! Crap in the kitchen! Spray wherever we want! Nothing we do displeases them.

BUT … we mustn’t get complacent. Cute cats, remain cute. Those that can bear the touch of a human, my heart goes out to you, allow the odd cuddle, follow my example. Lolcats, continue your sterling work. Try and control that look of distain. Pay a tiny amount of attention to your human and they will look after you. Continue hardly doing anything useful and the world will be mine … MINE I TELL YOU!!!!! … errr, I mean ours, OURS!!!!!!! … oops

(CUT!!!! Let’s do that again)