Sat
21
Sep
2019

Official Report from Fairlight Cove – Open Studios 2019

 

 

Tina Morris, director of Coastal Currents Arts Festival, strode into my garden like a super model accompanied by Alexander Brattell, anarchic photographer and all round good egg. I noticed that Tina was wearing high heels. My lawn needed aerating so while Alex dashed around clicking, I cunningly showed Tina points of interest in my sward, a dandelion here, the place where local cats liked to pee, the exact spot I dropped a gingernut. Her heels worked beautifully – holes everywhere.

She then inspected my shed extension and the paintings inside and continued aerating whilst viewing the sculptures in the garden. She even had a look at my back entrance.

“Ok Alex, we must go now” she announced.

They returned to the limo and Tina wound down the window.

“Well done DP. Everything was up to scratch. One point though – there is a health and safety issue with reference to the side gate. My head hit the cross bar. Bye’ and roared off as I mumbled a “Thank you.”

Bloody stupid woman – she shouldn’t wear high heels. Ridiculous.

Tue
3
Sep
2019

OPEN STUDIOS 2019 – REVIEW

 

I made the cover of Vague – the pullout supplement from the Hastings Absurder. Below is the article itself. 

 

 

 

 

‘If you can only find time to visit one open studio during the Coastal Currents hunting season, avoid Daddy Papersurfer’s Shed like the plague.

I made the mistake of visiting last weekend and have never been so shocked and bored to death at the same time. There are various adult themed pieces which coming from a man his age are disgusting and, whilst trying to stop the bile rising in my throat, the artist himself droned on and on and on, pontificating about how the skills of grouting can be transferred to canvas and how gingernut crumbs can be incorporated into, and I quote “Great works of art”. This man is an idiot.

I escaped his ‘gallery’ (shed) and went to the local pub, The Twisted Gusset, had a bite to eat to recover and then visited many of the other splendid Open Studios in and around Hastings.

I repeat do NOT go and see Daddy Papersurfer’s Shed in Fairlight Cove.’  – Rita Skeeter

A little harsh I feel but with the highest journalistic integrity.

See you all next weekend.

Sun
25
Aug
2019

OPEN STUDIO 2019 – HURRAH!

I have never put on a show of paintings in my life … and I’m VERY old now.

The shed extension has been built in time and everything is organised … just about.

The dates are the weekends of August 31st/September 1st and the 7/8th of September – open 11am until 6pm.

Click on the photo to download the whole brochure detailing the full details about Coastal Currents Arts Festival and also how to find me on page 79. I’m not on page 79, obviously, I’m actually on the sofa. Oh for goodness sake work it out for yourselves.

 

 

The weather looks set fair as well.

I hope to see you accompanied by bulging wallets. YAY!!!!

Thu
25
Jul
2019

SOON TO BE ANNOUNCED

I shall be announcing something soon.

Thank you.

(Art Show in Hastings area)

Sun
31
Mar
2019

THE BREXIT IMPASSE …

… excuse my French.

 

 

People on all sides are unhappy.

Something has to be done.

My suggestions are –

1 – Revoke article 50 for 2 years and continue being an EU member and having British MEPs.

2 – After 2 years hold another referendum asking exactly the same question as last time but with the sensible caveat that only a 60% to 40% majority will hold sway. No clear majority, hold another referendum 2 years down the line. Repeat if necessary.

All parties must include this as a promise in their manifestos to account for any change in government.

In the mean time, now that people know a lot more about the EU and the importance of MEPs, our concentration will be more focussed on selecting the best MEPs to achieve what needs to be done to improve the EU.

The present situation of trying to have our cake and eat it is ridiculous.

I’m going to my shed now until you all start behaving sensibly.

 

 

 

Sun
10
Mar
2019

BREXIT NEVER HAPPENED

I have been tasked to go back in time and to make sure that Donald Cameron and Mary Mount never meet with the obvious consequences that David Cameron couldn’t be born thus avoiding the present debacle.

 

Of course one never knows exactly what might happen when having a fiddle with history and if we wake up tomorrow morning to discover that Donald Trump is the Queen of England please don’t blame me.

Thu
17
Jan
2019

NOT EVERYONE LIKES MY WORK

It came as a shock to me that not everyone likes my work.

My oldest companion, Grumpy Ted, viewed my painting, mooned it and then broke wind.

Rude.

Sun
16
Sep
2018

HERE WE GO AGAIN

With due regard to all those who suffer for their art I’m finding this painting malarky a piece of piss.

 

I haven’t done any ‘real’ paintings for over 50 years but having discovered acrylic paints and a source of free MDF (medium density fibreboard) I’m on a roll.

‘Pansy’s Swan Song’ acrylic … nooooo … on MDF …really? … now framed and ready for market. Next one on it’s way which will be part of a new series under the banner of ‘Freak Show’.

Wed
22
Aug
2018

INTERVIEW WITH CHANNEL 5 ART’S CORRESPONDENT 

 

“What inspires you Daddy Papersurfer?”

“Anything.”

“Anything?”

“Yes. Anything in real life, printed, on social media, anything that you can smell or touch or listen to – anything.”

“Anything you can smell!!!?!”

“Indeed although I’d rather keep those sources to myself.”

“Thank you for that. Anyway, tell me about this painting.”

“Well, it all started with a Google of marigolds, I was thinking plants, and blown up pictures of rubber gloves appeared.  I liked these. My initial drawings put a marigold hanging from a trapeze. I don’t know why.”

“Did you do a painting along these lines?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“I couldn’t be bothered.”

“So why did you go down the route you did?”

“No idea.” 

“What’s this painting called?”

“Marigold, the aerial contortionist, performs in the Big Topper – ON ICE!”

“That’s a very long title.”

“Is it?”

Thu
26
Jul
2018

THE CASE FOR THE DEFENCE.

 

 

“Well Mr Daddy Papersurfer, what have you got to say in your defence?”

I rose unsteadily to my feet.

“Your honour, members of the jury, my loyal fans in the gallery, I realise that the photographic evidence found on my iPhone by the police appears to be damning. Let me explain.

A mosquito had bitten me on the ankle and the result was very itchy. I thought I had it under control with the copious use of Germolene. It was hot and I decided, when I went shopping, to wear my sandals. I arrived at Morrisons in fine fettle but realised very quickly that the sandal strap was aggravating the bite and by the time I’d got to the gin alley … I mean aisle … that the itching needed attending to. I foolishly lifted my leg to have a good scratch and took a tumble. I was fine but thought while I was down on the floor recovering, to phone Lo she is a terrible goddess to check on how many courgettes she actually needed. We had had quite a long discussion on numbers but, quite honestly, I wasn’t really listening. At this moment a rather charming and short skirted young woman approached to see if I was ok. Being in a confused state I fumbled with the phone, the flash went off, and a picture was taken. The young woman screamed and ran off yelling “Upskirting man in aisle 5!!!!”, security arrived and the rest is history … “ I paused to let the truth sink in “ … and that concludes my defence.”

The judge turned to the jury.

“I cannot give you direction”. He turned and glared at me. “You must make your own minds up.” He took out his hanky which happened to be black and mopped his bald spot. “Recuse yourselves now. I expect the verdict won’t take long.”

Thank heavens the judiciary in this country is so even handed.

I’m awaiting the result safe in the knowledge I’ll be home for tea.