Tue
21
Oct
2014

BATTLING ON …

… the fight continues for the right to sit or lie down and put things away in drawers.

The Flatpack War of 2014 in Central Portugal was a close run affair with the comfort of Lo, she is a terrible goddess at stake.

The pictures below are quite shocking. I suggest you have a cup of tea before viewing.
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Initially I was having a very successful campaign and even involved Papersurfer Junior. I felt confident … even, dare I say it, rather smug. IKEA tried to fool me with weird names but I could handle that easily.

And then, in front of Junior, I was felled, flummoxed and fooled by Argos. They’d not left one fitting out or even two, I could cope with that, they’d forgotten to put any fittings in at all! I looked in the box 13 times, I lifted everything in the room 16 times, I looked back in the box 3 more times, I patted down Papersurfer Junior in case he was playing a cruel jape, I checked once more in the box. Nothing.

Lo had to be involved. I had no other choice. She made several calls and involved the family while I carved a horse so I could then cut off it’s head to put into something on her instructions.

Several days later Argos eventually delivered. They struggled to the end by leaving out 4 fittings. I laughed out loud and with the help of my gay friend in Poiares, who is open all hours, the problem was cracked. The bed was made … and I’m lying in it.

Fri
17
Oct
2014

TIME AND MOTION

One of the most effective ways to increase one’s efficiency  is to purchase an electric kettle.

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Beverages are consumed by civilised people several times a day. They are vital to help clear thought and to create open receptive eyes.

With the use of an electric kettle the minimum amount of time is wasted. Filling the old fashioned kettle, lighting the hob, putting the kettle on the hob and then waiting around for the kettle to boil or disappearing to do something really importantly only to be interrupted by the insistent whistling that requires attention, is the way of the bucolic peasant. The electric kettle can be filled, turned on and left, because it automatically switches itself off. It is then, almost immediately, at your convenience, ready to provide the boiled water that is vital for your beverage. Many minutes can be saved and important matters can be dealt with without interruption. I have used both methods and can vouch wholeheartedly that my productiveness  increases hugely when an electric kettle is involved.

Wed
24
Sep
2014

THE FAIRLIGHT EYE

Hot air and wind have long been associated with me and so it seemed appropriate to develop the Fairlight Eye into a wind powered icon of my true nature. I know, it’s very moving … but only when the wind is in a certain direction. Many thanks to the tins of baked beans that made this all possible.

Sun
21
Sep
2014

SOCIAL MEDIA

(Sex, drugs and rock and troll)

It’s Raining Emoticons Everywhere!1

Good and bad
Happy and sad
Commotions, devotions
Silly emoticons
Twitter tried
And Facebook fried
Adored, deplored
(Worst of all ignored!)
Whatever you say
It’s here to stay.

Fri
12
Sep
2014

Memorial for Frog

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Frog is floating towards whatever counts as heaven in his world and serves as a reminder that dogs are, in the most part, good eggs.

Sculpture made for Tiggz in memory of his dog, Frog.

Any resemblance to Damien Hirst’s “ The Physical Impossibility of Death in the Mind of Someone Living” is purely coincidental. He should count himself so lucky.

Sun
7
Sep
2014

ART – AN ACCIDENT WAITING TO HAPPEN

My work practice

Sometimes thoughts collide and create unforeseen connections. These are often fleeting and nothing is done about them. Occasionally they are so interesting that the connections are worth exploring for a while, accompanied by a mental “Hmmm”. Very rarely these thoughts coalesce into a concrete idea that might be worth making. Then the decision has to be made whether it’s worth the effort and expense to actually do something. This could be a construct, painting, drawing, something written or whatever medium seems appropriate to get the idea across the divide between my brain and the real world.

Life is much easier if you stick to socially acceptable activities that other people understand and can appreciate without too much explanation. Like decking for instance.

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We can see the sea from here.

Thu
4
Sep
2014

SHOPPING

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Sometimes, Lo, she is a terrible Goddess, takes a fancy to a particular amuse bouche and I’m dispatched to the local COOP to buy whatever it takes to satisfy her cravings. Today it was rosé wine and Twiglets with a copy of the Radio Times to stimulate her mind.

I usually stop off on the way back, at Pett Level, and have a little look for stones-with-holes-in-them. This has been a hobby since I was knee high to a very small thing.

No luck today though.

It’s a tough life.

Thu
28
Aug
2014

ARTISTS – and all that jazz

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Many artists “respond to spaces” … apparently … and annoyingly.

Not that many respond to a trip to the supermarket … or, the dentist … or visiting their mother.

Everyone is always in a ‘space’.

The ‘artist’ seems to be very selective. There seems to be a correlation between ‘space’ and ‘what can I gain from this?’

Tue
22
Jul
2014

EVEN AFTER ALL THESE YEARS

I remember the pleasure and excitement all those years ago when we moved into our first flat. Begging, borrowing and almost stealing the furniture needed to furnish it. 2nd hand this, 5th hand that.
16 properties later, both here and abroad, the excitement hasn’t diminished.

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The difference now is there’s a bit more cash floating around and that most things can now be sourced flat packed.

The first of many deliveries arrived today that will be transported to the new pad in Portugal.

We are still excited at the prospect of setting up home again even though we have less teeth, have to sit down to put our socks on and need a refreshing cup of tea and a gingernut every 1/2 hour or so.

*Note to self – Remember to take glasses to facilitate reading the instructions + Valium to facilitate continued sanity having read the instructions*

Wed
16
Jul
2014

WHY ON EARTH DOES A DUCK NEED AN UMBRELLA?

Oh, now I understand … I think.

*scratches head and ponders*

Pondering is a GOOD thing BTW.